if so, we're in big trouble

Okay - I thought this was... ya know... good blog entertainment. Someone did this on facebook, and I thought it was fun. So follow the rules and end the eternal mystery of what your band and first album would be called.

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

5 - Post it to your blog, comment on mine and other blogs (I'm making this part up...since this was supposed to be for facebook, but whatev.)

American Idol: Here's What I Think

Okay - Here's how I felt about last night.

This boy (below) I was REALLY hopeful for - but he ate it last night. Really not good - sheep vibrato. Viva La Vida? No way. I'm thinking he is not going to make it tonight. That's my guess. We'll see.



When I heard this kid say he was singing "Man in the Mirror," I thought... Michael Jackson is the kiss of death! But seriously, I was impressed. I thought he did really good. Wouldn't be surprised to see him as one of the 3 who make it tonight.

I thought this girl was by far THE BEST. She was original - vocally, she was with it. And the "Drops of Jupiter" vibe, I thought, was very cool. She probably won't make it since they roasted her in judging, but she absolutely should. Bummer. I'd love to hear more from her.

Seriously. What was this about? This kid made me nuts. You know, yes, he has serious singing ability. But it's not all about ability... it's also about how you USE that ability. Some of the best artists in the world, are not the best singers... but they are smart with how they "use" their talent. (Eric Clapton, Joan Baez) We don't need to see everything you've got in one song. Restraint is an important part of art. That being said - I was a little surprised at his rave review but virtually all four judges. But ask yourself this question. Would you EVER put that rendition of "Satisfaction" in your CD player to listen to? Maybe you would. Me? Not so much. I'm thinking he's in... but I did not dial 1-866-4357-12 for him. (That's right, I've got it memorized.)

Pretty please with sugar on it!!! I want him in this competition even though, ya know, it's... weird. LOVE him. He could pull it off, you never know. (he got my vote - yes, I vote. shut up. No YOU shut up!)

Other likes: - The girl who sang "Girl Put Your Records On." She was not so good at the end but I really like her sound.

-The girl that sang "Alone" by Heart. I was more impressed at the beginning - she got a little flat and screamy toward the end. But she is SIXTEEN, and that alone (get it?) is impressive.

"Betty Davis Eyes" girl. I like her - kinda want to be her friend. She was very cool.

Okay - that's it. Now... "let's dim the lights!"

Funeral

About five years ago, I was at a funeral and was sitting in the back row of the funeral home. The service was in full swing. The pastor who was ushering this deceased man into the presence of God, did so like a complete idiot. Seriously. Worst funeral I've ever been to. He talked about what happens to the body as it disintegrates back to the "dust of the earth." Right. Not good. Who does that?

Anyway, as I was sitting there, next to my sister, I started getting bored. This guy was talking about how much Jesus suffered and a bunch of other stuff in the bible (pretty sure he went from Genesis to Revelation) so I was trying to find a way to entertain myself (counting the ceiling tiles, looking for people with strange neck moles, checking out what the world looked like by gazing through the glasses of the guy in front of me... normal stuff... A.D.D stuff.) Well, no moles, no glasses on the guy in front of me, and no ceilings tiles. So what's a boy to do?

I decided to see how asleep my foot could get.

It started out as an innocent test... really, it did. And then things got carried away. The pins and needles started in my foot, moved to my leg, my thigh, one butt cheek, my WHOLE butt.

I was amazed at just how asleep things can get if you don't re-position and let the blood-flow get moving. I kept touching my leg and butt and was kind of proud that I couldn't feel a thing. Nothing! All the while, the pastor was talking about death and the morbidity of it all.

Fast forward.

It's the end of the service and my plan is to re-position myself as the pastor is closing things out, to restart the blood-flow to my foot, leg and butt. So he begins to invite people forward to walk past the casket for one last goodbye. And when you invite the people forward, you start from the front, right? WRONG!

"Let's start with the back row," he says. Uh -oh. I began the self-encouragement immediately. The power of positive thinking, right? "Okay, I can do this. No biggie. I'll be fine." So I stand to my feet with everyone else in my row (my brother-in-law on one side, my sister on the other). So far so good. Standing on both feet - check. No problem. Then we started moving forward. I took my first step... and went down like a house of cards. On my way down I grabbed onto my brother-in-law's arm. My first thought was to fake being overwhelmed by grief. Too girlie. No one will believe that.

Now think about it. No one has any idea about my little secret game. No one knows that the entire left side of my lower body is as dead as the guy in the casket. My sister is standing behind me and says, "What's wrong?"

"My foot is asleep," I say, as if I'm surprised by this. "Just make it happen," I think, as I WILL myself to this feat of great dilution. I try to take another step and I CANNOT WALK! Meanwhile, everyone in my row is waiting on Idiot Boy to get moving so they can advance to the casket for their last goodbye.

My brother-in-law literally has to throw my arm over his shoulder and drag me through the row of chairs (as I write this, I still can't believe this actually happened) And I hear Heather saying, from the other side of my sister, "Is he okay, what's wrong?"

So as everyone forms a line and makes their way to the front, I sat off to the side with my sister, trying to get the feeling back into my lower extremities. She kept asking, "What happened?" Finally, I made her swear she'd never tell anyone. "What?" she said. She knew something was up. "I was seeing how asleep my foot would get... and well... I got a little carried away. I thought they would start dismissing from the front," I told her. "But they didn't, and I didn't have time to get my leg working again." It all made sense in my head.

I'll never forget her face. She grew up with me. She understood. I was still her little brother and even if I was thirty-two-years-old, she was not surprised.

I have to be honest. These are the things in life that make us unique AND that bug the crap out of other people. But it's all good. It's me. This is who I am. And I am a person who lets their leg fall asleep (a deep sleep) in order to take the edge off of my boredom.

Lead-offs

When I was in elementary school we played kickball. Constantly. We played it everyday during recess. Before each game started, we had to re-establish the rules. One question you always heard was...

"Are there lead-offs?"

Lead-offs were when you were on a base, waiting for the next kicker to kick, and you took two or three steps toward your next base BEFORE the ball was kicked. If you had a good lead-off, you almost never missed your base on a decent kick.

Sometimes we played with them; sometimes we didn't.

I'm so dang ready for spring. I spent most of yesterday feeling blue... or should I say white.... or sludgy brown. Anyway, I wasn't being honest about how I felt and that is never a good thing. "Fine," I say. "Nothing is wrong," (lifted eyebrows - tightened lips) "I'm totally good." I wasn't. I was blue. And when I'm feeling blue, I always think I'm not doing enough good in the world... or accomplishing enough... and making my dreams come true... etc.

I was telling Heather about this tonight after work, (I'd decided to stop saying, "Fine.") She was asking some good questions... like, "Would it help to exercise? Do you wanna have someone over for dinner?"... stuff like that. But I don't wanna have someone over for dinner... and I don't wanna exercise. This is how I know it's the February Blues... cuz I ALWAYS wanna have someone over for dinner.

So I told Heather that I was bored. That I didn't want to do anything. That I wanted someone to entertain me. I want someone to put me in an adult sized stroller... wheel me around to different places, and let people entertain me.

Anyway... I need a lead-off. I just think if I could get a lead-off, I'd make it home and everyone would put me on their shoulders and I'd be the MVP or something, and wouldn't have to feel bored or depressed. Right now, I feel like if I don't get a lead-off, I'm gonna feel the sting of that red rubber ball in the small of my back. Just saying it makes me feel better though. I think in a way, saying it IS the lead-off.

So here goes, "I'M READY FOR SPRING AND I'M A LITTLE DEPRESSED AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE EXERCISING OR MAKING MYSELF DO STUFF I DON'T WANNA DO, AND I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO TRY TO SOLVE MY PROBLEMS FOR ME UNLESS THEY PUT ON SOME TAP SHOES AND START DANCING AND PROVIDING SERIOUS ENTERTAINMENT!"

So there's my lead-off. Good for me.

This picture....

makes me happy... and...

makes me realize just how old they're getting
reminds me of what I'm living for
makes me crazy thankful
worries me a little (they are too pretty)
is a wake-up call to how much time I have left with them
is what I never had
is what many never have
IS what they have...
is what they will always have