Saturday, December 27, 2008

Foot in Mouth Disease

One time I told a lady that she looked cute pregnant.  She wasn't.  Almost everyone has done this.  I do it a lot.

A few years ago a girl walked in my office.  It was a girl who had one dark tooth.  All the others were beautifully white so this dark one stood out like beard dandruff.  (Ever seen it?  I have.)  So I was typing away at my computer and looked over at Dark Toothed Girl, and exclaimed, "Oh, you got your tooth fixed!"  I was happy for her.  

She got a sort of weird look on her face and then responded..."No I didn't."  A closer look...evaluation...and I realize that the dead tooth is STILL DEAD!  As it turns out, the light from the windows was glistening on the dead tooth, which made it appear to fall in line with all the others.  Total bummer.  I hate that I do this.  Hate it.

I've tried many times to stop doing this.  Problem is, there's not a lot of good ways to "work" on this, ya know?  It's an impulse problem... I blame it on my ADD.

So two days before Christmas, Heather and I attended the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert here in Indy.  It was great.  I noticed on our way in the auditorium, that our African American usher of about 75 years, though very dark skinned, had blue eyes.  "Beautiful" I thought to myself.  I wish I would've stopped there.  Sigh.  I didn't.

"Wow.  You have blue eyes!" I said.

"No I don't," he said.

"Sure you do," I say.  And I'm thinking there's no way he has blue contacts.  He was way too old for that kind of vanity.

"Nope, I don't," he says again.  Okay, so right here's where I should have shut my mouth, handed over my tickets, and headed in for the show.  I know that now.

But I don't stop.  Instead I turn to Heather and say, "They're blue right?"  

"No," she says, and has that "Why are you talking to the usher about his eyes?" face that I've seen a billion times.  I've seen it when I've asked to see someone's tattoo before..., or their toenail that has that fungus disease.  (I call it "Crap Toe."  My sister calls it, "Thick Toenail."

So at this point I'm a little embarrassed that Heather and Usher Man emphatically deny the man's obvious blue eyes, so I cave and decide to let it go.  "Oh," I say.  And that's it.  But I DIDN'T say, "Oh, you're right."  Know why?  CAUSE THEY WERE BLUE!

So we walk in the auditorium and I say to Heather, "His eyes were blue.  Why the heck did you say they weren't blue?  Did you really not think they were blue?"

"Because Matt... He has cataracts!"

Uhhhhhh.....

Nice.

Do you know what cataracts are?  They look a little something like this...

I thought about going back out and apologizing.  But what do you say?  "Hey, sorry about the blue eye thing... but seriously...your cataracts are slammin'!"

Anyway, I fear Foot in Mouth disease is incurable.  Any remedies would be much appreciated.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Wood

Heather and I were glad to trade in our "Easy Bake Oven" when we moved from Michigan to Indiana. Now we have a real life "wood burning" fireplace... as it should be. I think it's funny that Heather's mom saw our new fireplace here in Indiana and said, "Awww, that's too bad... no gas logs."

A couple nights ago was our very first fire of the year. The girls are finally old enough to go get fire wood (mowing the lawn is just around the corner).

This pic is what they first came back with - and I said...

"Go get something bigger than baby wood!"


So they left and came back with this!

Impressive!

Happy Season!!!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

MY 100th POST!

Yes - this is my 100th post! And what a way to commemorate it. My book arrived yesterday...all 500 of them! And I WILL sell out (the books, that is). I got a couple pics of them hogging my office. They can hog all they want - I LOVE them!

Okay - so one funny story. First I opened one of the boxes (the first of 16 boxes). Then I tore open a plastic packing bag. Then I removed the shrink wrap from a bundle of books. I took one book in my hands, prayed for it (not really), "oohed" and "ahhed" at it - AND THEN....

...opened it. AND....

...the guts were upside down! No kidding. The whole inside of the book was UPSIDE DOWN!!!

Right, so of course I was like "What the!" And I quickly grabbed for another thinking, "Every one of these suckers is going to be upside down and I'm going to have to send these BACK!?!?! I could feel the stress...are you with me? What are the chances?

So I sifted through 500 books - opened every cover to make sure my babies weren't retarded. 499 were perfect!

So I was telling my friend about this and said, "What are the chances that I would pick THAT box, and then THAT book from that box; it being the ONLY one that was upside down.

"One in 500," he says.

"Oh... right."



Monday, December 1, 2008

WINTER!!! LOVE it! Some of it.

Okay - it's winter - and the snow is here...even if only for a few days.

The girls spent about 2 hours outside on Sunday, building a snowfort and snow...girl?


Love this pic - snowgirl with a pony tail. LOVE this about Chloe.

Decorations... complete with electric train under the tree.
(okay, for real...it's a pain in the butt)


I love our house at Christmas...and we decorate...EVERYTHING!

This one doesn't have much to do with anything other than my 10 year old (in 4 days) looks a little younger to me in this picture...and I like that. Isn't she precious?

Great Friends....miss 'em!

We were in Michigan for Thanksgiving and met up with our good friends...our best friends, John and Beth and their family. Here are some pics.
John is less than convincing in this pic...oh wait - sersiously? Is he doing what I think he's doing? Okay, for real...just noticed that. Hilarious. I'm leaving it.

I love this pic because Amanda is getting older and you can tell. Plus I love Ev and Tori in the background - click on this one, Tori's face is worth it.

Best friends. There's a rumor that these two share a Chistmas ornament. Oh wait, that's no rumor.

The whole fam at Heather's parent's house. And Mimi. Only dog allowed in her parent's house. I'm telling you, this dog is a charmer.

So good SOOO good to see friends.

Love you guys!