(Scratching your head? See below)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Beans, Jesus, Reading, Beans, Jesus, Gas
Here's an update...
It was a snow day today and I wanted to get going on my new read "Jesus Wants to Save Christians." Still love the title. So I've read and eaten beans and rice all day. Remember in "Ice Castles?" (Please tell me someone besides me has seen this movie.) Remember when Lexie is blind at the end of the movie and no one knows she blind - and she trips on the roses and now everyone knows she's blind. And Robbie Benson has to get her off the ice, so he goes out to retrieve her and when he gets to her he says,
"We forgot about the roses." And they did.
Well, I ate beans, and guess what?
"I forgot about the roses." Only they weren't roses. They DEFINITELY weren't roses.
Okay - so I took Chloe to gymnastics this evening and sat in the balcony of the gym and read, read, read. And I am... speechless... don't even know what to say. I'm sad, inspired, challenged and moved, angry and overwhelmed and powerless... yet hopeful and happy and enlightened... and capable, equipped, and power-FULL!
Let me give you just a couple quotes from this anointed (I don't use this word lightly) book...
"A church's authority comes from how we've been broken open and poured out, not from how well we've pursued power and lobbied and organized ourselves to triumph. This is why when Christians organize politically and start flexing that muscle, making threats about how they are going to impose their way on others, so many people turn away from Jesus.
"Jesus' followers at that point are claiming to be the voice of God, but they are speaking the language of Caesar [of the empire] and using the methods of Rome, and for millions of us it has the stench of Solomon. (and then this... which I love) This is not the path of descent, it's not weak resonating with weak, it's not the Way."
LOVE IT!
So our authority, STILL, (as it was always meant to be) comes from surrender... from weakness. Jesus in the garden... swords drawn to defend him... a guy's ear cut off, and what? He puts and end to it. Says "this isn't going to work... put your swords away." We still haven't learned our lesson, have we? We get backed into a religious corner and we draw our sword. And Jesus would rebuke us, of this I'm certain.
Okay - how about this quote?
" 'I am the Lord your God, who brought you (us - you and me - the church) out of Egypt.' ...The church must cling to her memory of exodus, because if that memory is forgotten, the church may forget the poor, and if the poor are forgotten, the church may forget what it was like to be enslaved, and that would be forgetting the grace of God. And that would be forgetting who we are."
Beautiful.
Okay, last one...
"Isaiah declared that Egypt, Assyria and Israel would worship together. Egypt? The enemy? Assyria? The hated? If the prophet were to speak to us today, painting pictures of what it will look like when Jesus comes to town, what pictures would he give us? Who are our enemies today? What would be the modern equivalent of this? Taliban, my son? Al Qaeda, my beloved? Communion (the Lord's supper... the Eucharist) is about the church setting the table for the whole world."
THE WHOLE WORLD. I love this. I've had my own thoughts about "personal salvation" for quite some time - and how, yes, I need to be saved. But Jesus' salvation is for EVERYONE IN THE WORLD - and His salvation puts us all on level ground. My "enemies" are my brothers and sisters. Like really they are. And if God is not locked into loving America more that any other country (that would be favoritism), and we are supposed to be like Him, then shouldn't we esteem those countries, our enemies, our brothers and sisters, above our ourselves?
Shouldn't we put THEM before US?
Shouldn't WE set the table so THEY can eat first?
Nods and amens won't do anything though, will they?
God help me.
For real... God, help me.
It was a snow day today and I wanted to get going on my new read "Jesus Wants to Save Christians." Still love the title. So I've read and eaten beans and rice all day. Remember in "Ice Castles?" (Please tell me someone besides me has seen this movie.) Remember when Lexie is blind at the end of the movie and no one knows she blind - and she trips on the roses and now everyone knows she's blind. And Robbie Benson has to get her off the ice, so he goes out to retrieve her and when he gets to her he says,
"We forgot about the roses." And they did.
Well, I ate beans, and guess what?
"I forgot about the roses." Only they weren't roses. They DEFINITELY weren't roses.
Okay - so I took Chloe to gymnastics this evening and sat in the balcony of the gym and read, read, read. And I am... speechless... don't even know what to say. I'm sad, inspired, challenged and moved, angry and overwhelmed and powerless... yet hopeful and happy and enlightened... and capable, equipped, and power-FULL!
Let me give you just a couple quotes from this anointed (I don't use this word lightly) book...
"A church's authority comes from how we've been broken open and poured out, not from how well we've pursued power and lobbied and organized ourselves to triumph. This is why when Christians organize politically and start flexing that muscle, making threats about how they are going to impose their way on others, so many people turn away from Jesus.
"Jesus' followers at that point are claiming to be the voice of God, but they are speaking the language of Caesar [of the empire] and using the methods of Rome, and for millions of us it has the stench of Solomon. (and then this... which I love) This is not the path of descent, it's not weak resonating with weak, it's not the Way."
LOVE IT!
So our authority, STILL, (as it was always meant to be) comes from surrender... from weakness. Jesus in the garden... swords drawn to defend him... a guy's ear cut off, and what? He puts and end to it. Says "this isn't going to work... put your swords away." We still haven't learned our lesson, have we? We get backed into a religious corner and we draw our sword. And Jesus would rebuke us, of this I'm certain.
Okay - how about this quote?
" 'I am the Lord your God, who brought you (us - you and me - the church) out of Egypt.' ...The church must cling to her memory of exodus, because if that memory is forgotten, the church may forget the poor, and if the poor are forgotten, the church may forget what it was like to be enslaved, and that would be forgetting the grace of God. And that would be forgetting who we are."
Beautiful.
Okay, last one...
"Isaiah declared that Egypt, Assyria and Israel would worship together. Egypt? The enemy? Assyria? The hated? If the prophet were to speak to us today, painting pictures of what it will look like when Jesus comes to town, what pictures would he give us? Who are our enemies today? What would be the modern equivalent of this? Taliban, my son? Al Qaeda, my beloved? Communion (the Lord's supper... the Eucharist) is about the church setting the table for the whole world."
THE WHOLE WORLD. I love this. I've had my own thoughts about "personal salvation" for quite some time - and how, yes, I need to be saved. But Jesus' salvation is for EVERYONE IN THE WORLD - and His salvation puts us all on level ground. My "enemies" are my brothers and sisters. Like really they are. And if God is not locked into loving America more that any other country (that would be favoritism), and we are supposed to be like Him, then shouldn't we esteem those countries, our enemies, our brothers and sisters, above our ourselves?
Shouldn't we put THEM before US?
Shouldn't WE set the table so THEY can eat first?
Nods and amens won't do anything though, will they?
God help me.
For real... God, help me.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Jesus Wants to Save CHRISTIANS!
HERE ME OUT ON THIS ONE...
First of all, I've been reading this book.
It is challenging me - and in some ways it is disheartening. At the end of this post, will be a challenge for any of you (maybe all of you) who read this. And I'd love it if you would join me.
"Jesus Wants to Save Christians" is a great title for a book, by the way. I HIGHLY recommend this one. Order it, get it, read it, talk about it, and fix it... in that order.
First of all, the book has helped me (for the first time in my life - yep, I'm a pastor) to grasp the Old Testament story; that it's MY story. I actually feel like if someone said, "Hey, what's up with the Old Testament?" I wouldn't stare at the floor in hopes that they'd ask me something else; like something about the NEW testament.
So the first part of the book goes something like this:
Pharaoh owned slaves in Egypt - and used their slave labor to build his empire. (Empire) The Israelites (Pharaoh's slaves) prayed and asked God to help them; to deliver them from Pharaoh. And most of us know that God heard their cry and did it. And that they ran through the Red Sea, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Years later, the Israelites are in Jerusalem and Solomon is King. Now here's something I'd never connected that is SOOOOOO interesting. God told the Israelites NOT TO FORGET what He'd done for them; that He'd delivered them from bondage back in Egypt. So King Solomon, in order to not forget, is building a GINORMOUS temple, that looked something like this...
(a tad old school if you ax me)
He's not only building a temple, but a vast empire. (There's that word again.) Okay, so the temple is all fancy and beautiful and God is supposed to move in to it. BUT guess what? Solomon, in order to build this fancy temple is WORKING SLAVES HALF TO DEATH!!! This is key. The very thing that the Israelites had prayed for God to deliver them from is exactly what they are using in order to remember that God had delivered them from slavery. DUH! I mean c'mon... "Thank you God for delivering us from slavery.... MUSH SLAVE! BUILD GOD'S TEMPLE SO WE DON'T FORGET WE WERE ONCE SLAVES TOO!" It's a touch icky.
Okay - so now I'm moving on. So here we are in 2009 and this book is talking to me about the difference between "need" and "luxury." And of course, we all know about this, right? Well, here's an interesting paragraph that provides a little perspective on the issue. This is specifically regarding America...
"Human history has never witnessed the abundance that we consider normal. America is the wealthiest nation in the history of humanity. We have more resources than any group of people anywhere at any time has ever had. Ever. God bless America? God has."
So of course, the authors (Rob Bell, Don Golden) go on to give a zillion statistics, the likes of which we've all read before...nothing new. Except this time, I'm listening. And here's why. I'm listening because the empire that Pharaoh had created, fell. The empire that the freed Israelites had created along with King Solomon, fell. And there are others. And there will BE others. And this "falling" is connected to something that happens on the road from "need" to "luxury." There is something that gets lost in translation, in a BIG way. And here's what it is.
We start viewing luxuries as needs. And before long... we have no understanding of what "need" is, and luxury has replaced need and we no longer have a reference for what it means to live without luxury. So is luxury bad? Well, it wasn't in Jerusalem. But when they accumulated luxury, they forgot God. And how do we know this? Because they abused the weaker man, and started viewing their luxuries as needs and didn't take care of those weaker than themselves because they were too busy providing luxury for themselves.
Luxury vs Need. Forgetting God. What does that look like for us?
It looks like us thinking that losing our home and having to move into an apartment is completly devastating. It looks like our kids thinking that wearing their "not so cool" outfit to school is a cataclysmic event. The book goes on to say (here's my favorite part) that when JESUS talks about helping the poor, widows, and orphans, that we don't even know what that looks like - because we have no reference for it. Know why? BECAUSE WE ARE PERSERVING OUR LUXURIES... and when you preserve accumulated luxuries you can't help the poor... because you may not have enough left for your luxuries? Luxuries that are now seen as needs.
(Take a deep breath for a second - I had to.)
So they say that it's almost impossible (unless we change) to view Jesus' statements to "help the poor" the way someone in a third world country would. Someone in a third world country might hear that message and know that it meant to "share everything that they had, so that no one was in need."
Okay - I'm ending all this with a challenge. Whether you think it's a real big challenge or a real small challenge, I'd love it if you'd join me on it.
Tonight we had these for dinner...
I put an uneaten two in baggies for another time. (Probably because I've been reading this book. However, it is very likely, depending on the laziness factor, that they would've ended up in the trash.) As I was cleaning up I thought about "need" vs "luxury" and how important it is to know the difference... because, like I said, if you don't know the difference... you usually end up forgetting God (what He said not to do) and the empire crumbles. You can go big with this thought; big as in the AMERICAN empire... or you can think about your personal empire; the empire of SELF. The problem here is not luxury. The problem is forgetting what luxury is and who it comes from. The problem is not giving to the poor because I see my luxuries as needs and I'm hell-bent on preserving them.
This has become a problem in my home. It needs to change. So here's what I'm up to: Starting on Wednesday, I'm going on a steady diet of this:
That's right... a steady diet of red beans and rice... morning, noon and night, for 3 days. This will help me understand the difference, in some small form, between "need" (food -rb&rice) and "luxury" (ice cream, [sorry, top of my list these days] steak, chicken, assortment... variety).
Here's another thing. We recycle paper. No big deal, right. I hate that pile sitting in my kitchen that looks like this:
It bugs the crap out of me. I looked at it just tonight and thought, "I hate that messy pile. I wish we didn't recycle paper." (a word to myself - excuse me for a moment) "Seriously Matt? Because I'm pretty sure that recycling is VERY important to our environment these days." (okay, I'm back). So the second part of my challenge is to recycle something... anything... underwear, Tupperware, whatever. Or if you already recycle something... to get a good attitude about it (talking to myself here). To ENJOY that recycling is a need (believe it or not, I've considered not recycling, as a luxury that I enjoyed.... don't shake your finger at me!)
So are you up for it? (Amanda - I don't think you can do this pregnant) Are you interested in gaining a better understanding of "need" vs "luxury" SO THAT -1. we can remind ourselves of where our luxuries come from (don't forget me... God, that is.) and -2. keep the empire (America, ourselves) from being torn down and driven off our land. (yes, it's a metaphor... well, maybe.)
I leave you with one last quote from the book:
"If a particular resource becomes scarce at home or in other parts of the world, it can be very difficult to cut back, because the powerful forces of entitlement convince us certain things are deserved. Empires naturally accumulate, accumulation has consequences, and those consequences are expensive."
Are you up for it? Let me know.
First of all, I've been reading this book.
It is challenging me - and in some ways it is disheartening. At the end of this post, will be a challenge for any of you (maybe all of you) who read this. And I'd love it if you would join me.
"Jesus Wants to Save Christians" is a great title for a book, by the way. I HIGHLY recommend this one. Order it, get it, read it, talk about it, and fix it... in that order.
First of all, the book has helped me (for the first time in my life - yep, I'm a pastor) to grasp the Old Testament story; that it's MY story. I actually feel like if someone said, "Hey, what's up with the Old Testament?" I wouldn't stare at the floor in hopes that they'd ask me something else; like something about the NEW testament.
So the first part of the book goes something like this:
Pharaoh owned slaves in Egypt - and used their slave labor to build his empire. (Empire) The Israelites (Pharaoh's slaves) prayed and asked God to help them; to deliver them from Pharaoh. And most of us know that God heard their cry and did it. And that they ran through the Red Sea, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Years later, the Israelites are in Jerusalem and Solomon is King. Now here's something I'd never connected that is SOOOOOO interesting. God told the Israelites NOT TO FORGET what He'd done for them; that He'd delivered them from bondage back in Egypt. So King Solomon, in order to not forget, is building a GINORMOUS temple, that looked something like this...
(a tad old school if you ax me)
He's not only building a temple, but a vast empire. (There's that word again.) Okay, so the temple is all fancy and beautiful and God is supposed to move in to it. BUT guess what? Solomon, in order to build this fancy temple is WORKING SLAVES HALF TO DEATH!!! This is key. The very thing that the Israelites had prayed for God to deliver them from is exactly what they are using in order to remember that God had delivered them from slavery. DUH! I mean c'mon... "Thank you God for delivering us from slavery.... MUSH SLAVE! BUILD GOD'S TEMPLE SO WE DON'T FORGET WE WERE ONCE SLAVES TOO!" It's a touch icky.
Okay - so now I'm moving on. So here we are in 2009 and this book is talking to me about the difference between "need" and "luxury." And of course, we all know about this, right? Well, here's an interesting paragraph that provides a little perspective on the issue. This is specifically regarding America...
"Human history has never witnessed the abundance that we consider normal. America is the wealthiest nation in the history of humanity. We have more resources than any group of people anywhere at any time has ever had. Ever. God bless America? God has."
So of course, the authors (Rob Bell, Don Golden) go on to give a zillion statistics, the likes of which we've all read before...nothing new. Except this time, I'm listening. And here's why. I'm listening because the empire that Pharaoh had created, fell. The empire that the freed Israelites had created along with King Solomon, fell. And there are others. And there will BE others. And this "falling" is connected to something that happens on the road from "need" to "luxury." There is something that gets lost in translation, in a BIG way. And here's what it is.
We start viewing luxuries as needs. And before long... we have no understanding of what "need" is, and luxury has replaced need and we no longer have a reference for what it means to live without luxury. So is luxury bad? Well, it wasn't in Jerusalem. But when they accumulated luxury, they forgot God. And how do we know this? Because they abused the weaker man, and started viewing their luxuries as needs and didn't take care of those weaker than themselves because they were too busy providing luxury for themselves.
Luxury vs Need. Forgetting God. What does that look like for us?
It looks like us thinking that losing our home and having to move into an apartment is completly devastating. It looks like our kids thinking that wearing their "not so cool" outfit to school is a cataclysmic event. The book goes on to say (here's my favorite part) that when JESUS talks about helping the poor, widows, and orphans, that we don't even know what that looks like - because we have no reference for it. Know why? BECAUSE WE ARE PERSERVING OUR LUXURIES... and when you preserve accumulated luxuries you can't help the poor... because you may not have enough left for your luxuries? Luxuries that are now seen as needs.
(Take a deep breath for a second - I had to.)
So they say that it's almost impossible (unless we change) to view Jesus' statements to "help the poor" the way someone in a third world country would. Someone in a third world country might hear that message and know that it meant to "share everything that they had, so that no one was in need."
Okay - I'm ending all this with a challenge. Whether you think it's a real big challenge or a real small challenge, I'd love it if you'd join me on it.
Tonight we had these for dinner...
I put an uneaten two in baggies for another time. (Probably because I've been reading this book. However, it is very likely, depending on the laziness factor, that they would've ended up in the trash.) As I was cleaning up I thought about "need" vs "luxury" and how important it is to know the difference... because, like I said, if you don't know the difference... you usually end up forgetting God (what He said not to do) and the empire crumbles. You can go big with this thought; big as in the AMERICAN empire... or you can think about your personal empire; the empire of SELF. The problem here is not luxury. The problem is forgetting what luxury is and who it comes from. The problem is not giving to the poor because I see my luxuries as needs and I'm hell-bent on preserving them.
This has become a problem in my home. It needs to change. So here's what I'm up to: Starting on Wednesday, I'm going on a steady diet of this:
That's right... a steady diet of red beans and rice... morning, noon and night, for 3 days. This will help me understand the difference, in some small form, between "need" (food -rb&rice) and "luxury" (ice cream, [sorry, top of my list these days] steak, chicken, assortment... variety).
Here's another thing. We recycle paper. No big deal, right. I hate that pile sitting in my kitchen that looks like this:
It bugs the crap out of me. I looked at it just tonight and thought, "I hate that messy pile. I wish we didn't recycle paper." (a word to myself - excuse me for a moment) "Seriously Matt? Because I'm pretty sure that recycling is VERY important to our environment these days." (okay, I'm back). So the second part of my challenge is to recycle something... anything... underwear, Tupperware, whatever. Or if you already recycle something... to get a good attitude about it (talking to myself here). To ENJOY that recycling is a need (believe it or not, I've considered not recycling, as a luxury that I enjoyed.... don't shake your finger at me!)
So are you up for it? (Amanda - I don't think you can do this pregnant) Are you interested in gaining a better understanding of "need" vs "luxury" SO THAT -1. we can remind ourselves of where our luxuries come from (don't forget me... God, that is.) and -2. keep the empire (America, ourselves) from being torn down and driven off our land. (yes, it's a metaphor... well, maybe.)
I leave you with one last quote from the book:
"If a particular resource becomes scarce at home or in other parts of the world, it can be very difficult to cut back, because the powerful forces of entitlement convince us certain things are deserved. Empires naturally accumulate, accumulation has consequences, and those consequences are expensive."
Are you up for it? Let me know.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
SPEECHLESS!
...and here's why...
This showed up on facebook today. I almost couldn't believe it was me. My head... Chloe's body. I've heard people say "You're so thin." Uhhh, this is exactly 41lbs ago (and at the same height, I might add.) I think it gives new meaning to the word "skinny." Bratty Beth called and said, "E.T. phone home!"
The thing about living in this day and age is, (especially with things like facebook) you just never know what might turn up. I have no recollection of this whatsoever. I mean, how did I find the time to work myself through high school AND compete in body building competitions?
This one is my favorite. I call it "Body for Waif."
And who could forget prom? Wow! I was not Prom King at "The Midnight Masquerade." What kind of sucky theme is that anyway?
This showed up on facebook today. I almost couldn't believe it was me. My head... Chloe's body. I've heard people say "You're so thin." Uhhh, this is exactly 41lbs ago (and at the same height, I might add.) I think it gives new meaning to the word "skinny." Bratty Beth called and said, "E.T. phone home!"
The thing about living in this day and age is, (especially with things like facebook) you just never know what might turn up. I have no recollection of this whatsoever. I mean, how did I find the time to work myself through high school AND compete in body building competitions?
This one is my favorite. I call it "Body for Waif."
And who could forget prom? Wow! I was not Prom King at "The Midnight Masquerade." What kind of sucky theme is that anyway?
Friday, January 23, 2009
You Know What I Think?
It doesn't really matter in the long run (or the short) but I want to give anyone who reads this blog permission to NOT have to use Internet, facebook, myspace, texting language. It's dumb. DUMB! And it's weird when 30-somethings write crap like "LMAO" or whatever. Half the time I'm trying to figure out what it means. Seriously, is the "hahahahaha" thing supposed to make me think you're really laughing, or is just to let me know that you've made a joke? Either way, I can't hear you laughing. But I can assume (even without notification) that when you read a cute comment, see a funny picture, or receive a text-joke, that you smile and go on with your day... and that you probably don't throw your head back and go "HA HA HA HA HA" right out loud. I could be wrong.
Would it be appropriate to reply SIMC if I get a text that's not really that funny and alls I'm doing is...well...sitting in my chair? Or should I comment IWIWMW (I wish I were more witty) in a comment box, if I'm at a loss? Or what about IOSYB as a sort of confessional if "I only skimmed your blog."
I have to be honest; I've done the "hahahaha" thing before. I only did it once but it felt weird... like I was lying; cuz I wasn't really laughing. But there are times I've been laughing real hard... but haven't let anyone, via the Internet, know. Was that laugh fractional? Was it wasted because no one knew I was LMAO? I read a comment recently on a facebook that went something like this:
"OMG - hahahahaha - that is hilarious - hahahaha. I'm totally LMAO - OMG - I can't believe that.... WTF - ahahahaha!"
I've also noticed that when GOOD Christians text they don't use "LMAO" but instead use "LMBO." And they also don't use "WTF" but instead use "WTF" (what the frick).
Obviously you can do what you want. I mean, who am I to make the rules? I guess I just think that Internet abbreviated-lingo should be reserved for college age and down - sort of how 70-year-old ladies shouldn't get breast implants, and 65 year-old-men shouldn't shave lines in the sides of their hair. That's it.
TFL,
Matt (thanks for listening)
I've also noticed that when GOOD Christians text they don't use "LMAO" but instead use "LMBO." And they also don't use "WTF" but instead use "WTF" (what the frick).
Obviously you can do what you want. I mean, who am I to make the rules? I guess I just think that Internet abbreviated-lingo should be reserved for college age and down - sort of how 70-year-old ladies shouldn't get breast implants, and 65 year-old-men shouldn't shave lines in the sides of their hair. That's it.
TFL,
Matt (thanks for listening)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
What To Do
without hesitation
or judgement
or shame
I knew what to do
and did it
conclusive options
lined up like candies
each with a secret center
that would be...
worthless
tasteless
or...
perfect.
and this time...
i saw it
i ate it.
how a chocolatier's eyes
see and Know
if only by drizzled embellishment
so my gut, finally
knew exactly what to do
Monday, January 5, 2009
Foot in Mouth Part II
So I've been thinking about the whole "Are your eyes blue?... Nope... woopsie, just cataracts" thing. And I think "Foot in Mouth Disease" stems from something else altogether. I have a problem sticking my foot in my mouth, yes. But where it begins is a whole different issue. BEFORE I say something, I usually get fixated on something that is not quite... normal. Like the guy with the cataracts... (see that post here) Once I'm fixated... I'm like Rain Man on Wapner -I just can't seem to let it go. Let me explain.
There was guy who used to work at Burger King in my home town. He had those little arms, ya know? And I couldn't stop thinking about them when I was there. He would swing one of them up to the fry caddy to fetch my fries. It was beautiful. And while little arm #1 was fetching the fries, little arm #2 pinched the buger bag up close to his body. It was like majic, those little arms. I was mesmerized since they barely even made it out of his shirt sleeves, and they were short sleeves, which made it all the more impressive.
I also knew a guy for 10 YEARS that had a blackhead on his ear. Never told him. Watched it everytime he wasn't looking, wondering if it was even possible for him to find it without the right mirror.
This problem of mine (and possibly yours... Katie C. are you reading this?) manifests itself in different ways. I was a nose nazi with my babies. Couldn't let it go - even if they had a cold. And it's not like I wanted to be this way... or that I even thought it was bad to have the dried up snot all over their faces. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I COULDN'T, as in, it wasn't possible.
And the list goes on and on - I can get fixated on any number of things. For instance:
1. I once knew a kid whose k-9 teeth were right next to his front teeth - wrong spot. Couldn't stop looking at them.
2. Moles. Nuff said.
3. A mashed finger that never gets better.
4. A HALF finger from a mowing accident.
5. In 3rd grade Belinda Adams' blonde hair was green after the summer - I stared at it every day in lunch in total amazement. I was sad it didn't make it til Christmas.
6. Dirty ears.
7. Dirt lines in someone's neck. (mostly just kids these days.)
8. Woobies in the corner of someone's eyes.
9. Talk balls in the corner of someone's mouth. One of my favorites. ("When will they feel 'em there - can't they feel them stretching out like that?")
10. The one-thick-shoe-sole man.
I know... it seems ridiculous, maybe even mean, but there's not a whole lot you can do about it. I've been told I was "mean spirited," and have felt bad on occasion, but then I read an article in a magazine called "ADDitude" (which is a great magazine dedicated to educacting people on ADD) that gave reasons why someone does this. How they may have a sense of "hyper-focus" and struggle to let stuff go. It could be anything... a fight; a slight oddity; a desire for a specific food item; etc. Well, that's me. I could be minding my own business & having lunch - and well, if the music is even slightly audible, it's very possible that I could get fixated on a bass guitar line, even if I'm carrying on a conversation with someone across the table. And well, if someone walks by with only one leg... I'm toast. Lunch over.
But anyway... there IS hope. And here's how I know. The other day I was in the kitchen and Chloe was watching a news show. Well, there was a girl on there who was a swimmer of some sort and she had no feet. I wasn't paying attention to the show. So Chloe says, "Rewind that Evalee - I wanna show daddy the girl swimmer with no feet." To which I replied, "That's okay honey - I don't really wanna see it." To which Heather sarcastically replied, "Wow; that's a first. You sure you don't wanna see the freak show?!?!" What can I say? She just doesn't understand.
I was proud though. I really didn't wanna see. And it's not because I had seen it before either. I've see "The Half Ton Man" on A and E about 17 times and I'm thinking about ordering the DVD. Fascinating.
Anyway, me not asking Ev to rewind it so I could try to figure out how a girl with no feet gets a spot on a swim team is proof positive that people can change.
Oh -and if you wanna check out the magazine "ADDitude," here's the website for ya. Great stuff!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Shuttle Run
About 4 years ago, me, Heather's mom and a couple of Heather's cousins were sitting in Lois' (Heather's mom) hot tub. It was about 12 degrees that evening and there was at least 3-4 feet of snow on the ground. We were all laughing and having a great time. I got the great idea of daring my cousin Aaron to get out of the hot tub and run to the tree and back (about 20 yards). After much coaxing and jeering, he did it - and then several of us followed.
Okay, so I LOVE Heather's mom - cracks me up! So she's laughing with all of us (loves being around people) and is enjoying the hot tub, when I say,
"Hey Mom, I dare you to do it; only you have to run to the tree, dive in the snow, and run back." Everyone started rolling at the thought. Surely she wouldn't. I almost knew when I asked that she'd be game. She was. She was about 62 at the time.
So she got out of the hot tub and ran to the tree... "Dive, Dive!" we were all yelling. But instead of diving, she just fell straight back (Nestea plunge style) into the snow -and since it was so deep, she completely disappeared. Hilarious. So when she got back up - I started yelling, "Dive, DIVE!" as if she hadn't done enough already. So she does - head first. We were ROLLING! Oh my word - funniest thing I've ever seen. She is running back to the hot tub covered in snow... wearing a bathing suit; I mean seriously, get a picture in your head. It was hysterical. So as she's getting back in the hot tub, she says, "Man, that water stings!"
So anyway, this past week, we were at my sister-in-law's house for Christmas - and somehow a memory of Heather winning the shuttle run as a kid is brought up. (She's very proud of this. Says she won on account that her legs are only as long as my arm... says it puts her closer to the ground and she doesn't have to do a whole lot of bending over, which is a time saver.) Anyway, the next thing you know - it is ON! So two shoes are set up in the living room, time keeper recruited, and BANG, they were off. Heather went first and set the pace at 5.8 seconds. But what I was really waiting for was Lois. I knew she'd do it. She's 66 now so of course she had to make a couple lame excuses about how she might break something, blah, blah, blah - but then... she went for it.
Here it is.
I love her for this. Sounds corny - but this crap makes me feel young. Seeing her squatting at the starting line, and watching her throw herself across the finish line was a week's worth of devotions for me. I'll carry this for years - and when she passes on (probably when she's 113) I will fight to have this played during her funeral service. Know why? Because this IS Lois... at least to me it is.
Life is good. Live it to the full - don't you think?
Oh, and her time... 6.9 seconds. Not too shabby!
I know, I know - "Where's Heather's video?" Oh, I have it alright. But I'll have to ask first. I dare not post that thing without permission.
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