THE BLIND WRITER

Beautiful Things in Bloomington

2010-06-19T20:16:00.004-04:00

I'm on the square tonight, in Bloomington. At the Scholar's Inn Bakehouse. There are so many beautiful things I've seen. Here are some of them:

Flowers cascading from window boxes. People who dare to wear empire wasted rompers in broad day light. Tan lines. Those chairs for lawn sitting that fold up and fit into a tiny acrylic spun carrying case that easily slings over your shoulder. Bright orange plastic sunglasses. Two braids on either side of you head, tied together in the back. An apprehensive wedgie pick. Evergreens in the summer. White jeans. Loose skin that promises wisdom. George Winston at the piano. A little something in a BabyBjörn. An odd couple. Cigar smoke. Police flashers. Teenage years. A beautiful red head in pink. Straight teeth. Perfectly crooked ones. Memories of elementary school. Local coffee bars. A senior citizen man with great hair. Biking down a hill. Camo. A woman who feels pretty. Young unwrinkled skin in light cream. Tree lined streets. An eyesore. Enough traffic to give you a moment to think thoughts. Saving someone’s life. An outfit. Awnings. Naturally curly hair. Aviators. Spit that’s perfectly spat. Young love. And old. Hearing aids. A Corsica that still runs! Asian eyes. Knee highs. Knee length. Not too sunburned skin. Adult parents. Bottle blonde hair. A car singer, wailing her guts out. Background chatter over a Beatles soundtrack. New rims. Veiny hands. A tailored skirt on a chubby girl. Napkins. Yellow. Someone that reminds you of an old friend. Mexican skin. Up-dos. A handshake. Counterfeit confidence. The large brass handles of theatre doors. A 90 year old with a cigarette in their craw. Iced coffee. Shadows you can’t figure out where they're coming from. Competing jewelry stores. Cut offs. The rush of wind through the window of your car on a left hand turn. Non-begging toddlers. Deep, true African skin. And gold lamé.

There you have it. The world is good! Good I tell ya!!!

The Handless Organist

2009-12-20T22:23:00.007-05:00

That's right. I saw a link on Heather's Facebook about terrible album covers. Well, it was a privilege and honor to pore over these carefully selected terrible album covers. I'm sure many were in the running. There were probably 10 in all. But I had my favorites...

Like this one... Ooh la la!

Jim loves his life. I love his mustache.

Or how about this one...

Joining the ranks of those one name famed singers (Madonna, Coolio, Yanni) I give you "Joyce!"

Joyce? How about "Just Joyce?" Cuz I feel like something is missing with the name. But not with Joyce. Joyce is missing absolutely NOTHING! I mean c'mon... the rose, the dress...the Tootsie glasses and "set" hair. It's straight fire for Joyce. These are the albums that put "digitally remasterd" on the map.

And finally... my personal favorite (winning by a nub):

I'm amused... I'm a little uneasy... I'm leaning in for a closer look. I kinda want to invite her to play at my church. But our organ only has one row of keys which I fear wouldn't adequately showcase the range of what the handless organist is capable of.

As I study this photo I wonder what song she is playing. It must be something from the Romantic period...(I'm sensing dense, weightier textures happening in her left...ummm... arm.)

One question... seriously... is it me, or does her right hand(less) look a little bit like a dental drill?

That's it for me this year. Merry Christmas and HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR in 2010!!!

A Christmas Carol

2009-12-20T21:41:00.005-05:00

Well... just go see it. In IMAX 3D is the deal. This movie made me happy, made feel like a kid, put me in the Christmas spirit, and made me want to be a better person.

I could go on... but I'll spare you. Don't miss it. So entertaining... so fun.

Oh, but if you have young kids... I'd think about it first. It's pretty scary (seriously) It was giving my 11 year old the creeps a couple times.

Peace, love, and Merry Christmas!

Christmas and Halloween Stuff

2009-12-10T18:25:00.018-05:00

Okay, gotta start with this... dang cute! Heather is out Christmas caroling tonight at one of the nicer subdivision's Club House. (caroling for the rich... ahhh... merry christmas!) It's a quartet of carolers, and they carol Dickens style. Had to make her pose for these. Fa la la la la...

Here are pics from Chloe's Birthday party. We paid like $100 for her and nine friends to ice skate in Westfield at The Arctic Zone. Totally worth every penny. They clean up. Two and a half hours of skating... a blast!

The Fam

Me and Jason

Chloe and her friends. I think one is missing here.

This is sooo Chloe. She actually started everyone singing in her honor. Love this kid!

My house at Christmas. Book sales have been great lately.

On to Halloween. So it's my deal to make the costumes every year. I RELISH in it. Love doing it. Chloe wanted to be "Wisk." Took a little thought, but we pulled it off.

Evalee wanted to be Ms. Pac Man, "but not sideways." That was her only demand. She didn't want to be standing at the door and have to constantly turn sideways when people asked what she was. Always thinking ahead, just like her mom. I gotta be honest, this one cracked me up.

(okay, ya gotta click on this one so you can see Ev's face behind the eye... pretty cute.)

Here they are with the next door neighbors. Check out Harry Potter. Hilarious.

Addiction

2009-12-02T21:20:00.006-05:00

Not sure how I came across this, but about 3 months ago I ran into a video on You Tube. It's a dance from the show "So You Think You Can Dance" which I had never watched... not once.

I can tell you that I love art... that I love dance and a myriad of other art forms, but this dance did something to me. I've showed it to a couple people (some who got it, some who thought she was scantilly clad and didn't get it.) In 3 months, I'm sure I've watched this dance at least 50 times. Can't say I love it... it's something more than that. It's meaningful. It brought me to tears. When art transcends language, takes you some place spiritual, makes your heart burn in your chest... well, I think that's important. Let's you know that something heavenly is going on.

I'm pretty sure there are going to be dances like this in heaven... dances that remind us of what we have flown away from; that remind us we were once broken... addicted... but not anymore.

I'll leave it at that. Hope you love it as much as I did.

Here's the link: ADDICTION

Raised by Wolves

2009-11-19T17:24:00.001-05:00

I was raised by wolves
In pink gowns

Meant to stand on town-legs, I lurk
Across a moor
A swinging head
left to right
I spot a jackrabbit
And know exactly what to do

I was raised by wolves in pink gowns

I rustle up grub
I howl at the moon
next to my mother, Her fur tinged
with lunar lights
Bristling about her neck

Starting, the day I was littered
The twenty day of the eleventh twelfth
Thirty nine wolf years
Still a cub
in my mother’s pouch
watching
learning

raised by wolves

She prowls around town
Shoves me into the street
From behind a dumpster
Corners small prey
Lets drool hang from her lips
Shows me how it’s done

Shows me how to be...

irreconcilable

Part wolf
Part man
Part son
Part cub

raised by wolves

wolves in pink gowns

Yours In His Service,

2009-10-29T18:46:00.012-04:00

Here's what I wonder....

Why do we write things like "Reaching for His glory," as sign offs to our emails? WHY MUST WE SIGN OFF WITH "Being a blessing," Seriously... it's seems to me that it's just one more way of christians separating themselves from everyone else in the world. And when I say separating, I mean, thinking we are better than others... that we've found the magic solution to life and are aiming to make that perfectly clear when we sign off on an email.

...maybe if they read my sign off at the bottom of my email, we think to ourselves, maybe they just might start loving Jesus. Don't hold your breath.

Whatever happened to "Sincerely,"? And I personally think that the ole standbye "Thanks" is getting the short end of the stick these days. Sure, it may not have the beating of angels wings in the background, but I think it's every bit as potent as "Covered in the blood of the Lamb," and just might have a touch less of a "I'm better friends with God than you are" ring to it.

I just had lunch with a friend today and we were talking about how it's a temptation for christians to insulate themselves from the rest of the world. Christian schools, christian friends, christian, christian, christian. He said, "Sometimes I feel like I'm just vanilla. And I don't want to be just vanilla." I thought about that, and about how there are christians out there (I've NEVER done this) who turn their nose up at a joke that's in poor taste. Or if someones swears they roll their eyes and claim God's holiness as their sword and shield.

And fine whatever, it's your prerogative. But it's a problem when you're not that way all the time; when you can't live up to your end of the holy bargain. You're one way at church and another way at other places. You're all "God bless you" when you sneeze at Chick-Fil-a, but are all nervously excited when watching Saw VI. It doesn't add up. It just doesn't.

Ass is a bad word, right? Whatever. We feel better about not saying "ass" than we do about not watching Saw VI. Let's be clear... Saw VI is about murdering people for fun and calling it entertainment. "Ass" is slang... not the nicest of words, but not murder for entertainment either.

I'm not judging you for either of these. I'm not gonna judge you if you watch Saw VI OR if you say "ass." Know why? First of all, cause I just don't care. Secondly, because there's enough going on in me to keep me busy...I don't have time to judge your crap. (But if you sign off your email with "An ass-less vocabulary," and think someone might stop saying bad words because of it, I'm probably going to make time to judge you.)

I don't like to brag so I'll try not to here (though I'm warning you, this may sound like I think I've got my crap together.) But I'm pretty much the same person at home that I am everywhere else. Like I know I'm broken. It's why I go to 12-step meetings every week. It's why I've spent hours in counseling. But I know a lot of people who are trying to be holy... trying not to cuss... trying to send the kiddies to schools where Jesus teachers are going to help them stay on the straight and narrow. (not that there's anything wrong with that.... but keep in mind (unfortunately) that the divorce rate, suicide rate, pre-marital sex rate is pretty much the same for kids who attend christian schools and their families, as it is for those who don't attend christian schools and their families - but I'm on a tangent. I do this. I'm making a larger point here... I'm getting back on track now.) So I'd say I'm 80-90% the same at Chick Fil-a and at church and at movies and at home. But I didn't used to be.

My friend said, "I don't want to be just vanilla." And here's the thing... most people aren't vanilla. Most christians who are "holy" and do all the right things (I'm not talking about christian schools again I promise) and don't cuss, play poker, smoke, drink, dance, or let their kids get their ears pierced before they're ten years old, are not vanilla either. They might be vanilla to all their friends. They might be vanilla at church. They might be vanilla at their jobs. And all their friends might say, "Man, he is really vanilla...how does he do it?" Or their co-workers might think, "I've never heard a bad word come outta that guy's mouth, what a great big fat scoop of vanilla." But here's the thing. I swear, they're NOT vanilla. They look like vanilla, they may even smell like vanilla, but when you open them up.... guess what? Butterscotch Ripple. Because vanilla doesn't go porn surfing... know what I'm saying?

People who are trying to be vanilla are usually up in their head all alone freaking out because their personal lives are in shambles. They don't tell their friends about what's really going on in their head because they think it might make God look bad... and I get this, seriously I do - no one wants to give God a bad name... or make it seem like He doesn't work or something. So they go on with all that stuff locked away... stuff that, when locked up and hidden, has a way of morphing itself into a time bomb that WILL detonate... just give it time.

Pretending to be vanilla (when behind closed doors, and in our heads, and in the secret corners of our hearts we are covered in fudge, nuts, sprinkles and twirled with carmel) is a DEAD END! And sooner or later the facade is going to break down our marriage, our relationships, and everything in our lives that IS holy. We'll do things we thought we'd never do, and hurt people we never thought we'd hurt (including ourselves).

Vanilla is tasteless and boring... and a lie. I'm done pretending. I did it too long and it didn't make me anything but unapproachable, lonely, and a fraud.

I do realize that someone might read this and think, "Then what do I do? I don't know WHAT to do? How do I be authentic... the same everywhere, at all times and not sign off my emails with 'Until the trumpet sounds'"? Well, come talk to me. Seriously. There are ways out. It's not easy, but ya know, neither is living the big fat lie. Getting real is about getting to the truth of WHO YOU ARE. And I'm pretty sure God says that it's the truth sets people free.

Thanks,

Matt

The name's Matt E-Bays

2009-10-20T19:24:00.004-04:00

I won. I WON!

I won my first ebay purchase ever!!! Pretty dang exciting. I increased my maximum bid the last 90 seconds. My heart was racing as I stared at the screen, counting down backwards..."10...9...8..." like the Apollo was about to blast off from Cape Canaveral.

So here she is. What do you think?

I know what you're thinking and you're right... my church is seriously about to ROCK and they don't even know it.

I've put it off far too long - it's time to get the accordian back into rock rotation. Nobody puts Cordy in the corner.

Okay, so I'm gonna need a name for this delicious bass. Anyone ideas?

There. She Fixed It!

2009-08-13T19:49:00.008-04:00

A couple weeks ago I received an email that had me rolling. It was called, "There. I Fixed It!" and was a bunch of pictures of things people had rigged to get working properly. (Well, sort of.) Included was an air conditioning unit in the passenger side window of a car, power by a generator which was duct taped to the trunk of the car. I was laughing hard because although it looks hilarious, I find the creativity of people who have a knack for "making it work" fascinating. I'm a "make it work" kind of guy myself, so I'm always impressed when people don't just hammer a nail in the wall, but instead, shoe a nail in the wall, or thumbnail one in the wall.

My sister and I refer to this specific set of skills as the "make do gene." It's the gene that's typically present in people who by nature, are laid back. It's a great gene to have if you find yourself having lunch with the kiddies at Cedar Point and you realize you forgot to pack napkins. In which case, empty cheese slice wrappers work beautifully. (My sister is a miracle worker.) Funny thing is; her kids never batted an eye when she offered them each one. Just took them from her and started wiping their 8, 9, and 12 year old faces with them.

Anyway, I decided to post a couple of our own "make do gene" miracles around here. Evalee doesn't seem to have the "make do gene." It's a work in progress with her. Just gimme some time. However, Chloe is fully embracing it, as you can see below.

I went out to clean up the Slip-n-slide and apparently she couldn't find the plastic stakes that come with it to hold it into the ground, so... she improvised. Love it. Makes me proud.

She gets this from me.

This following is our front porch chair which is obviously torn through. What's a person to do? I found an old piece of ply wood and There. I fixed it. Had to cut it with a hack saw. Total pain, but the result is sheer perfection. Just add a chair cushion and cop a squat!

But this is my fav by a long shot. Heather took this pic cause she was amazed at the "make do gene" in full swing. (I'm choosing to believe that.) I was talking on the phone to my sister while trying to do dishes and it just wasn't working. So while on the phone, I came up with this little baby. And actually, it was pretty comfortable AND I got the dishes done while chit chatting.

I have to brag on Heather... while she is not a "make do gene" person, I got a phone call from her last winter that surprised me. She was going to go for a walk on a cold winter's morning and couldn't find the dog's leash. Normally, she might have just decided not to go, at at least not to take the dog. But instead, I got a phone call while at work and I could tell she was walking. She told me that she couldn't find Mimi's leash but that she decided to push through it. "So what did you do?" I asked. "Oh, I just used one of the girl's belts," she said. And I was impressed and proud. I only wish I had a picture of that!

Chloe Dances

2009-07-11T12:54:00.003-04:00

She can't help herself. She dances with spontaneity throughout her day. It's one of the things that I really cherish about her. Sometimes she will just walk in the room and strike a pose for no good reason. And we can hardly ever get her to try on clothes without her strutting her stuff back and forth with this corny "I'm a model" look on her face, always ending it with her hands one her butt... butt in our faces... and looking over one of her shoulders at us.

The kid makes me laugh.

So last night I heard Chloe kind of yell out from our stairs and start crying a little. It was one of those cries that kind of said, "I'm not really hurt, but my sister just hit me for no reason and I'm not happy about it." One of those. Anyway, I went to find out what the deal was, and I was right; Evalee had shoved her sister while she was standing on the stairs.

I did the dad thing and said, "Why'd you push her?"

Evalee said she didn't really know why, just did it. "What was she doing?" I asked. So Evalee starts telling me that Chloe had her back to her, was standing on the stairs and was just sort of flailing herself around impromtu. So while she's telling me this, Chloe's tears turn to laughter and she starts cracking up at herself. Like REALLY laughing hard... and now so is Evalee and so am I.

"What were you doing?" I ask Chloe. "Just this," she says, and starts flailing herself around.

Now the thing I love about this is, she wasn't doing it for anyone... she didn't think anyone saw her. So she's just doing this little private dance for herself, being who God has hard-wired her to be.

I'm telling you...this is the stuff of life to me. Chloe brings so much fun and spontaneous joy to our family! And I seriously hope it never goes away.

4th Folder, 4th Picture

2009-06-30T19:14:00.007-04:00

I saw this on God Nudges and thought it would be fun. You're supposed to go to where you keep your photos on your computer and open the 4th folder, and then the 4th picture in that folder, and then put it on your blog and explain it.

Here's mine (and I'm not surprised)

This is from Christmas 2007. Chloe loves to dress up Mimi.

I am not clear how this dog is sooooo patient. There were about 50 different poses of Mimi with Christmas crap and riff-raff all over her. Poor baby. Just last week Heather let a 3-year-old girl put Mimi in her stroller and walk her around the cul-de-sac. And of course, Mimi just went along for the ride, sitting in a little baby doll stroller with her little legs dangling out.

This dog is such a sweetie head. A LITTLE SWEETIE HEAD!!!

The Glass Castle

2009-06-30T18:07:00.005-04:00

I have to tell you about this book. If you are looking for a good summer read, The Glass Castle is exactly that. Heather's friend lent it to her, and when I saw it lying on our kitchen counter, I picked it up and made it an official read of my "stay"cation.

The Glass Castle is a memoir, not a novel, and is written by journalist, Jeannette Walls. She writes about her very strange childhood, sharing memories of her father, mother, brother, and sisters. She tells how her parents refused to conform to society’s ideas of responsibility. These were interesting and intelligent (brilliant actually) parents who were leaving their children to fend for themselves. But she tells her story without anger or self-pity, recalling memories that will shock you, and recalling them with an almost innocent presentation of the facts.

First line of the book: "I was on fire." And she's not kidding. What a great line to reel you in.

And I have to say, this book is NOT depressing and sad; it is fun, entertaining, thought provoking, and a quick easy read. There were times I was rolling at situations this woman remembers. It's one of those books that makes you go "Oh, that's right, I remember crap like that from my adolescence."

I'd recommend it to anyone, but for any of you who had a crazy childhood like mine, well... you HAVE to read this book!

Here's where you can pick it up for $9.00

I never really buy books for people, but the day after I finished it, I picked up a copy and sent it to my sister.

If you end up reading it, let me know. If you've already read it, comment and let me know what you thought.

The Patio: Before and After

2009-06-19T17:00:00.012-04:00

Before...

I've not been happy with this patio for a while - stained and ganked and driveway-ish.

After...

It's amazing what a little elbow grease and some concrete stain can do. I'm loving this new little sitting spot.

This is a closeup of the stencil.

Okay - so now someone tell me to stop - cuz I still have the stencil and I've been known to take a good thing too far. I've put it away for now, but I'm dying to do more crap with it. We'll see if I've learned my lesson.

The patio is growing on Heather (her and Evalee are not Change Junkies)... but they'll come around.

The Wedding

2009-06-16T16:28:00.008-04:00

Well, the wedding was most excellent. I have to admit, it was nerve-racking seeing family that you haven't seen in almost 20 years, doing your best to see their "twenty year ago" face somewhere within their new face.

Mark was great. What I remember about him is still there. Still polite, still gentle, and still kind hearted.

It was great sitting down with him and noticing things. (The scar on his arm that I mentioned in this blog. Also, the dark piece of metal lodged in his ear from a lost bout with the swing set... things only family would know.

Life is strange. One minute things seem to be as they should be... and the next, well, they are as they should be. One minute we found ourselves splintered for 20 years, and the next, together.

It was an honor to stand up with Mark, to be some one's big brother, to tell him not to lock his knees out so he wouldn't fall down during the ceremony (that's the stuff of big brothers). It was also an honor to see him marrying into such a great family. Lisa's family is definitely a "salt of the earth" kind of family. She is one of 7 children, and is the oldest... the woman knew EXACTLY what was going on every minute of her ceremony.

Okay, so after the wedding, at the reception hall... I went into the bathroom, did my business (in my tux - not IN my tux), went to wash my hands, and saw this faucet. Actually a whole row of them. Like I said, I haven't seen Mark in almost 20 years, but I haven't actually lived with him since he was 13 and I was 14... and at that time, these were the faucets in our house! The year? 1984!!! I cracked up when I saw them, so I had to get a pic.

Thanks for all your kind comments on the above post - it was meaningful to come home and know that I was being supported and thought of. And I'm so glad I went. It would've been an easy opportunity to miss If I had just said, "I'm not sure it's going to work for me to be there," or "I work on the weekends, but God bless." But I didn't say those things. Instead, I said, "Mark who?" and when he said, "Uhhh... Mark your brother - I'm gettin' married. Wanna be my best man?" I responded, "Well...ummm...sure, I guess so." I mean seriously, how could I not do this? Everyone already knows I'm the best man.

...when we were brothers

2009-06-11T22:32:00.010-04:00

About six months ago my younger brother called me out of the blue and asked me to be the Best Man in his wedding. Seems normal enough. And it would've been normal except that I hadn't seen this brother in about 20 years.

20 years.

Hmmm...

Mark is not actually my brother by blood. He is my step brother and came into my family when I was three and he was two. Our childhood was tumultuous, to say the least. We've reminisced over it the last six months, and it's good to know that I'm not crazy... that it really was what I thought. It's great to have another person validate what you remember and bring those dark memories into a brighter light, where they cast fewer shadows.

We've laughed a lot. Remembering when. We talked about the scar on his arm from sliding in our new socks in the basement; him running into a stack of curtains rods and slicing his forearm. We also made peace over the scar on my thumb that is purely his fault. We were sitting on a bench in the backyard while I whittled on a stick. He kept saying, "I just really feel like something bad is going to happen. Like something really bad!" I told him to stop saying that, and as I did, sliced my thumb and wound up in the emergency room getting stitches. I still can't bend my thumb all the way back.

Tonight on the phone I told him I was really glad we'd made this connection, and he agreed. But still, it was strange. We were... like brothers. Partly because we lived with each other until he left our home and went to live with his real mom when he was about 13. We'd spent 11 years of our lives together. How could we not be brothers? We'd seen all the same stuff go on. We'd lived it together... both of us.

I knew him then. I'd watch him read books at ten years old, knowing that none of the rest of us read like him... knowing that even though he lived with us, he was different than us. I knew he was really good in Math when none of the rest of us were. I knew he felt lonely sometimes... that even though he was now a part of a family with 4 children, that he was still, in many ways, an only child.

When he left, we took completely different paths. I saw him once when he was 18 and I was 19. He had really long hair (burn out hair) and I was peg-ankle-panted with a Gap sweater. We were entirely different and I felt less like I knew him then, than I ever had. But I guess I don't feel like that anymore. I feel like I know him. I feel like 20 years has solidified something born in our childhoods that cannot be unborn.

When we were brothers we got along. We were pretty respectful to each other (except when he insisted that "dreamt" [and not just "dreamed"] was past tense for the word "dream." He was right.

When we were brothers... I thought we'd always be brothers. But we weren't. At the time I'd only known life with him in it. We had walked to school with each other everyday. I'd wait on him and we'd walk home... together. And when we got home, I'd watch him pull his folded brown lunch sack out of his back pocket and set it on the kitchen table, as requested. And he knew I always forgot mine.

He also knew I loved paint-by-numbers and singing in our three-brother's-trio. And I did love it. He hated it.

So on the eve of the eve of his wedding, I've gotta say, I'm proud to be reconnected. So glad that he's back... or that I'm back... or that we're back. I didn't see it coming a year ago. I didn't expect that I'd be sitting on my front porch laughing about old times... about being eight and nine years old and sorting dental billing receipts for our parent's Dental Laboratory. I didn't expect we'd have so many of the same memories.

I guess I never really expected that we'd find each other again. Or that we'd open up so quickly. Or that we'd see the past...together, and remember it as it really was. And some of it was good. Actually some of it was really good... when we were brothers.

Trophys

2009-06-08T13:33:00.012-04:00

I got a bunch of pictures coming at ya! It was Evalee's last soccer game and I have NO IDEA why I waited this long to take pictures - getting that "good shot" was entirely exciting! I'll start with this collage and then take you through 'em. Man, what a game! We lost...but it was still a great game - and great things happened after the game. (See below)

So this is by far, my favorite shot of the day. This little girl was on her tail the entire game. Evalee is a pretty aggressive player - she goes after the ball. It's still weird for us that OUR daughter is showing a lot of natural athletic ability. Especially since Heather is no Mia Hamm, and I still have been known to refer to her soccer uniform as her "soccer outfit"... or worse, her "soccer costume." The word "rehearsal" has also been used when asking her coach about her next practice. Right... embarrassing.

Okay, so these next six pics are one single progression, in order, that I caught on camera LOVE!

Best part about the above pic? Look in the upper right hand corner, in the background. I love that my girls are growing up with that kind of love.

Okay - so here is why I call this post "trophy." This is Evalee's coach. He invited the team to Oberweiss for ice cream, sort of as the celebration of the end of the season. When we got there, he had personally bought every girl on the team a trophy... on his dime. And spoke personal words to each of them, nailing the qualities of each girl on the team before handing them their trophy. What a guy...seriously. He has been an insightful coach, who has challenged the girls, shown a great competitive attitude and demonstrated excellent sportsmanship.

Can't tell you how proud we are of this girl. She is quite a kid!

Kinda Big News

2009-06-03T11:59:00.009-04:00

First off, I'm a dreamer. You may not have known that. And by "dreamer," I mean, I absolutely believe it's possible for people to accomplish things they are not necessarily supposed to be able to accomplish. For instance, just last night I was at the house of a girlfriend of Heather's who told me about a friend of hers whose life ambition was to be in a professional production of "Cats" the musical. She put a picture up on her mirror of the cast of "Cats" and said to herself in the mirror everyday, "One day I will be in Cats." Guess what? She's in the Broadway Series Touring Company of "Cats." So it happens.

Anyway, about four months ago I sent my book away (The Blind Writer) to a website I frequent called "The Phantom Tollbooth." They are based out of Chicago and they review books, CDs, movies, etc. To get a review by them you are first subjected to The Phantom Tollbooth critics. IF you pass muster with them, and if they deem you worthy of a review on their website, then you're in. Well guess what?

I'm in.

Check it out HERE or read it below:

The Blind Writer (finding faith beyond our Christian subculture)
Author: Matt Bays
Email Address: matt.bays@nvcl.org
# Of Pages: 219
Publisher: Self published at lulu.com
Purchase at lulu.com

The Blind Writer is a breath of fresh air from someone who has definitely walked in most of our shoes before. It is an honest look at Christianity, faith, real life issues, and church as a whole. Matt Bays really lays it all out for you one witty chapter at a time. This is a must have for every person you know or meet... that includes YOU!

I think that at one time or another we could all say that we have struggled with a certain religious view, people in the church (everyone is perfect and you are not, etc.) , or Christianity as a whole. This writers approach to faith…its ups and downs…and his real life stories intertwined throughout the entire book will have you feeling quite relieved that you are not alone in this struggle and that you are quite normal without all the “Well just Praise God sister” or the “Hallelujahs.”

Intertwined in the chapters you will find some of Matt Bays’ original poetry, as well as his real life stories from his heart. He shares some of the most real feelings about church, people, faith and Christianity. You get it straight from this author, there is no frill, no filler, no fluff…it is straight from his life lessons and story, no sugar coating here! He tackles many issues that some may consider taboo, but I think they are all things everyone has thought at one time or another and have just not shared an opinion out loud about. For instance, Chapter 15 titled "The Blind Writer" tells us that A) The Blind Writer is a Nineteenth Century typewriter, just in case you, like I was, thinking what does that mean??? Now you know!! And B) one of my favorite points he makes in the book is found in this chapter! He says that “We have our lives and that is all; one life, one heart, one will, one chance.” He continues to talk about how the chapters of our lives are based on the choices you make during that moment in time and how they may be good or bad. We never know exactly what we will do, exactly what may be around the corner or what we are capable of until that time comes.

I wish every Pastor, every church member, every person in the world would read this book! It is an awesome, heartfelt work and deserves to be circulated around! I recommend that you go to lulu.com and buy a copy, read it and pass it on. Buy one for a friend, Pastor or stranger! (I didn't even bold this part - it was in bold on the review)

Trish Cooper

BOOK RATING:

You must know that this book rating of "5 tocks" is their highest rating and dubs your book "A Masterpiece." I KNOW!!!

So the fun part of finding all this out was coming to my office yesterday morning and receiving an email from Lily Pad that said, "Did you see it?" She was perusing their website and came across it, so she sent me the link to their website and my book review. I certianly did not see this coming. Thanks Lily Pad!

Check out their website HERE.

One last thing: if you check out the review on their website, (it's much more exciting seeing it there as opposed to my blog; kinda like seeing a movie on the big screen instead of on demand.) you will see my review just above Richard Foster's new book review. He's a biggie in the world of spiritual writers. Ever heard of "Celebration of Discipline?" That's him. (He was lucky enough to receive as high a rating on his new work as I did, so he's in good company.)

Well, there you have it. It's an exciting day... week... LIFE!!!

Memorial Day....

2009-05-25T09:58:00.007-04:00

...is for eating. So here's to good eats at the Harris'.

Still a little curious as to WHY they can't seem to get over the fact that I love food. That I love MY food. I've gained 17lbs in the last year, and this is how. Favorite foods these days: ice cream, cherry pie (see above), candy, danish stuff, sweet and salty bars, Heather's chocolate chip cookies, those cinnimon things from McD's, and Banket (pronounced "Bon-Ket") -which is a Dutch almond pastry you must all find and try. A nice cup of coffee and a piece (or three) of Banket, is indomitable. Banket has me convinced that it is entirely possible that God is of the lineage of the house of Diederik.

John and Beth's daughter, Tori took this pic. Ain't it gorgeous? (The pie, that is.) Yum!

15 Years Today!

2009-05-21T18:16:00.005-04:00

Here we are about a month before we got engaged. We had no idea what life was even about back then... and I guess that was how it was supposed to be. But we were definitely in love.

We've been through a lot of ups and downs together but we have held on to each other... desperately at times, wondering if we'd make it. Well, we are making it. I'm proud to be Heather's husband. It's a cliche, but she literally is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Glee

2009-05-20T18:28:00.003-04:00

Tell me you saw it. Best hour of TV (adult TV) I've seen in a while. Kind of a "Highschool Musical" meets "Desperate Housewives." Let it be said...you've been warned.

My hopes are UP for the fall. The pilot episode was set to entice, and for someone who has spent too much time in show choir, it did. If you didn't see it, you can see it HERE.

Scarlet Takes a Tumble

2009-05-12T19:14:00.005-04:00

You simply MUST see her Live. Click HERE!!!

And then you must watch this guy's response to watching it! I couldn't BREATHE while watching both of these.

Friends

2009-05-04T21:37:00.002-04:00

John and Beth came for a visit this past weekend. It was a surprise for Heather's birthday. She was shocked when they showed up at our church here in Indiana, coming all the way from Flushing, Michigan.

Here are a couple pics from the weekend. (I knew I'd have to be the one to post this picture of Beth because Heather is just too nice to do it.) That pergola is where we sat and chatted on and on. It was excellent.

Well, we had a blast - great convos - great food - belly laughter. Man, I loved every minute of it.

There's something about being with friends. I'll tell you what I love; I love being able to be with people who really know you... like REALLY know you... people that you can say anything with - people that you can mess up with and they will still accept you for who you are... and even if they don't in that moment, you know they'll get over it and accept you later. I'll tell you what it is... it's grace. Being with people who know you and love you (the good and bad) is very simply... grace. And there was lots of it this weekend.

Here's to John and Beth!

Grateful

2009-05-04T21:30:00.002-04:00

I spent some time working in the yard today. Then tonight I sat down, tired, on our back deck and was grateful. I don't know that women can fully understand the satisfaction that a man gets from owning land. There's something about it.

There's something in our sweat glands or somewhere, that desires to own land; to race out on a horse to get it...and then CLAIM it by stabbing a flag into the earth and stand proudly as others race by to find their piece of land. (Ever seen "Far and Away?" - great movie. Highly recommend it).

Anyway, tonight I felt it again. The pride of owning land, and then the gratefulness at what God had provided.

Goodnight.

The Soloist

2009-04-27T21:41:00.004-04:00

I've been looking forward to this movie for a year. It's a true story - with a compelling movie trailer... I was hooked when I saw the trailer about a year ago. I won't spoil an ending here (it's not really a movie you can do that with.) Okay, so here's my two cents... and really the only reason I'm commenting on this is because I'm a little bugged at this movie.

It felt like it was sloppily put together... just a meandering plot that was, at times, dull (not because there weren't explosions, just because I felt myself feeling like it was all a bit rehearsed and a little boring.) SUCH a bummer since I had really high hopes.

The song from the trailer (Bach's Suite for solo cello no. 1 in G Major: Prelude 1) was barely used in the movie. I really thought they would use it better; place it beautifully in the context of an emotional wrinkle that fit the moment hand in glove. But I almost missed it cuz it was thrown in at an awkward time, during a cello lesson that had little to do with the plot of the movie and didn't connect the song on an emotional level at all; a total miss.

Okay -so two more things and I'm done - You'll be glad for these ones cuz they're RETARDED!

1. Jamie Foxx's character (Nathaniel Ayers) was a guy who never made it through Julliard School of Music, but started there as a promising young cellist. He enrolled at Julliard in 1970. The movie is set in 2005. Okay, so I start doing the math in my head and things are not adding up. I'm thinking well, maybe this guy was a child prodigy and started college when he was six or seven. Nope - he was 19. Okay, so that means Jamie Foxx is playing a FIFTY-FOUR year old in this movie!!! Even with his ugly hair and moled up face, he could not pass for someone who was born in NINETEEN FIFTY ONE! C'mon people. They could've used Samuel Jackson... they could've used Morgan Freeman. They could've used Denzel... or even Sidney Portier. But NOT someone who looks 35.

2. I know this is going to sound stupid and petty, but if you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Robert Downey Jr.'s eyebrows switched back and forth from gray to black about 64 times during the movie. In several scenes they were gray, and then switched to black before the scene was done. I noticed this early on and decided to let it go so I wouldn't spoil things for myself, and I did let it go... for about 30 minutes. Then I couldn't take it anymore and actually had a couple turn around and look at me when I'd finally had enough and said, "C'mon with the eyebrows already!"

So there's my two cents. I won't say DON'T see it. And anyway, I'm a firm believer that when someone talks a movie down, it is more enjoyable because your hopes aren't unrealistically high. That's what I think anyway.

They were a couple really great moments though, honestly. And seriously, the story, is a beautiful one. I hear there's a book out, written by Robert Downey Jr.'s character (Steven Lopez) who writes for the LA Times. I'm sure that would be better than the movie.

Peace out!

PS - if you are anything like me, you'll be interested to know that if you watch the trailer, you will see the eyebrows thing. And I'm betting that without my explanation of this theatrical travesty, you would've probably thought, by watching the trailer, that this film spanned a 20 year period of time SIMPLY BECAUSE OF HIS EYEBROWS! Think I'm crazy? Give it a try and see. LOVE to know your thoughts if you've already seen The Soloist, that may as well have starred Gary Coleman. "Whatchoo talking about Jamie Foxx?"

Miss Michigan!!!

2009-04-24T17:04:00.005-04:00

These are for Carin... cuz anyone who breaks through and does something amazing, deserves flowers. Today she was deemed Miss Michigan and got an awesome job at a place she loves just when she needed it most.

I was saving this pic for a special occassion. Turns out, that's today!

Carin's blog is called "Life is but a Dream." Well, in the words of the lion from Oz who found his courage, "Ain't it the truth!" CONGRATS to Carin - she's living life and PAINTING THE TOWN!!!

Broken Hallelujah

2009-04-22T21:11:00.002-04:00

These words are perfect:

When all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah

When my only offering is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins

And I will worship You and give You thanks

Even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah

Taxes? DONE!

2009-04-13T22:13:00.002-04:00

SUCH a great feeling. And one whole day in advance! Lily Pad turned me on to Taxslayer about 4 years ago. LOVE it. Simple. Took me about 2 and a half hours total. You finished? Jealous?

It's Closing Time (on fb)

2009-04-09T21:51:00.002-04:00

Well, a couple things...First off - I've attached a photo collage of some of my favorite pics from our vacation (why I've been facebook AWOL the last week or so). Our new camera is amazing... love it. It's a Nikon D40 and you can pick it up at Target - and it's NOT $1,000. Love it!

Secondly - I am signing off of Facebook - closing up my page. There are so many things I want to do (write and write some more and keep writing) and fb has hogged all my writing time, which I miss). Yes, I'm going back to the dark ages of 2007 when I survived perfectly fine without fb. So I'll be closing up shop and shutting down my page on Saturday.That being said - I'm keeping my blog - cause I LOVE MY BLOG!

I realize that I'm not Obama or Oprah and some of you are thinking, "Really? So What? Who cares!!!" But for those of you who literally owe me your lives, (as I owe mine to Suzi Orman) I just wanted to let you know that it's closing time.

Lastly, a few of you have mentioned that you were planning to buy my book at some point. Well... I'm running a little "Blow Out Sale" for the next week (shut up Brian). Seriously, if you want it, you'll find in on sale for $9.08 - which brings my profit to exactly $.01, which makes me laugh. I'm no fool - I didn't write that sucka for nothing! I'm only leaving it at this price for a week - so NOW'S YOUR TIME!!! (I can already hear mouses clicking away) If you're interested, you can pick it up at www.lulu.com/mattbays or http://stores.lulu.com/mattbays

Okay - so that is it!

Love to you all - and to all... g'nite!

SHOW ME!!! Backstage Access

2009-03-14T17:24:00.011-04:00

Our church is doing a series called "Show Me." This post is not about that series. It's about why I love my job... and why I love THIS part a lot!

Our theme for the 4 week series is "Vaudeville Theatre." Kinda ties in with the whole "Show Me" idea. Anyway, I love being creative. So when we decided to do a full red drape, theatre style - and our Tech guy, my good friend Scott said, "Who's gonna take the red fabric and make it look like a red curtain in a Broadway theatre?" I said, "Cough, cough - e'hem. Me... get out of the way. Let me at it!"

So here is the process below. There is so much involved in these set designs... and I learned a lot about what goes on with our sets (I don't usually do much with the sets). But running wire, hanging lights (and re-hanging them if they don't work right) is all a part of it. Very cool.

I was stunned with the outcome - and if I walked into a church and it looked like this, I'd be wondering how they pulled it off. (Not bragging - but c'mon - this set RulZ!

So let the tour begin. Here we go....

This is me snatching Scott's "fabric only" scissors to cut another zip tie while he wasn't looking. He's so "responsible." Creativity must not be squelched! When he was looking, I had to bite the end of those things off with my teeth. Makin' do baby... just makin' do.

LOVE this. Gotta click on the pic for the full effect.

We did the sides too... so those in the side seats would get the full effect. This is probably my favorite pic. The lighting cue is orange... which I would NEVER have done with the red curtain... but it is totally sweet. Our guys know wassup!

Rockin' out on "Hosanna," cuz praise is rising.
I hope you've enjoyed your private personal tour of the "Show Me" set. Thanks for coming, enjoy the rest of your day at Cedar Point... the aMAZEment park. (I'm not sure why either.)

One Single Flake of Snow

2009-03-12T19:55:00.009-04:00

One single flake of snow descends into our gaze. An image transpires of a younger, older girl. Across the snow white terrain, we see her. She is standing at the edge. On the brink of… Something pulls her forward, to cross the threshold. Something pulls her back.

Beside her, on the ground, in the snow, in a heap, a doll is carelessly cast aside. A tender memoir. Remains of a day; like a curtain called.

Part of her longs to cross this threshold... to move and shake and feel and forget. To blow out her candles one last time. And then, to evolve.

To become.

A question manifests. Will you go?

Hissing cool breath to her apple cheeks. She cannot run or stay or leave. She stands on the precipice and howls at the moon; into a canyon showing no signs of life... and no answers.

But...

a thin crooked line is drawn in the canyon floor. Her pupils tighten. It is moving, rushing.

The crooked line...

...a crooked river.

Calling her. Tempting her. Enticing the juvenile tributary raging in her own breast.

She bends an ear as the wind carries an ancient message, dependent on its own survival. “Join me. Take a step; rush your death. Come in to the raging waters. Take your place in the river."

A breeze encircles her head, her angel soul. Blows in one ear, coaxing an answer from her lips. Her eyes rest inside her. Her lips begin to part. And all of life listens, as she whispers one final youth breath...

“Farewell.”

Good for the Soul

2009-03-06T21:46:00.002-05:00

Well it was a crazy week. The good thing about working on your soul is, you get to know yourself better - and you begin to understand what makes you tick. I'm figuring that out. Blaming used to be, well... useful. It proclaimed my innocence. That worked for about 10 years... then it stopped. So these days, if something gets me down or depressed, I go inside. Inside me. I start asking questions and trying to figure out what's broken. I'm getting pretty good at it.

Part of the healing process for me is to be creative. For some people it's a chore to be creative (yet they may LOVE doing taxes - it happens...for real.) For me, painting something, pinning something, using a paper clip and an elastic string torn from my sock to make something do what I want it to do just happens to be right up my alley.

Today I decided to be fresh... happy... enjoy the day. And I have. Best part of my day? Lunch. I was driving in my car - sun roof and windows down (get a sun roof - pay extra - steal one from the junkyard and make it work. I've got some extra elastic strings from my socks if you need them for installation.) Okay, so I'm way in to American Idol. Of course most of us (don't lie) have thought of what song we would audition with if we were actually young enough to go try out for American Idol. At least I have. Used to be "Just Once" by James Ingram, until I heard some other guy do it better than I could. I'm not gonna be that guy. So I changed my song. Now it's "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. Love that song. So today in my car, on the way to lunch, I allowed myself to go through the audition I'd be entitled to if I were under 30.

I walked in the audition room... Fantasia, Carrie Underwood, Reuben and Taylor were all on that banner thing behind me. I began talking to the judges, and said a couple normal things like "I'm just so proud to be here...." I was surprised at how comfortable I was. I wasn't nervous at all. Then I went into my song. (Yes, I actually sang it in my car.) And I have to say... I actually did really well. The judges were pretty impressed. They didn't think I was very commercial, but they liked that I picked a song that suited me. So I ended up making it through, which I felt was a great accomplishment. I hope I make the top 12. I think that's next week. I need some song ideas. I don't wanna be a Tatiana and do the same song THREE TIMES!

Anyway - it might sound stupid (or even be stupid) but it has been a great day. I mean, how can you have a bad day when you've been given stellar reviews from Simon, Paula, Kara, and Randy? It's kinda impossible.

So the sun, the singing, the fabricated audition, the fact that I'm probably going to make it to the top 2 or 3 (who knows WHAT will happen) was good for my soul. Really good. Chased my blues right out of town. I'll be leading worship this weekend. It's good to go into it with your head clear... and since mine is, I should be good to go on Sunday morning.

WILD card should be called STUPID card. Or LYING card. Or really bad hand of cards!!!

2009-03-06T00:31:00.003-05:00

This is gonna be short - cuz I'm so bugged!

Superstition boy - please...he was ridiculously good. But would anyone buy his albums? (just cuz he's a little boring) - but I LOVED him - such a great voice. Totally consistent both of these performances. DESERVED TO GO THROUGH!!!

KT Tunstall girl (Black Horse yadda yadda) I like her. Not the best singer, but she has a cool vibe. I'd replace her with that Felicia girl (the one with Cher hair) in a New York Minute if I could... since Felicia was a MUCH better singer. I hate that they keep throwing out "This is a 'singing' competition," whenever it's convenient. Definitely wouldn't apply here. I'm glad she made it through though. She is the ONLY girl that should have made it through...but we'll talk about Jasmine in a sec. (I think they call that forshadowing.)

Anoop? He's the Kevin Covais of this group. Remember that little kid (looked like he was 12, sang like he was 50) Anoop is novelty. Right, I like him too, let's be friends. But seriously, "My Prerogative?" Could it get any cheesier? Anoop getting called back was a shock - but making the top 12 (or 13) hmmm.... the gods are angry.

Glad Matt Gir*$% made it through. He ate it on Viva la Vida - so glad he redeemed himself tonight. He was stellar.

JASMINE
Who cares? I was bored and it was NOT good. A Disney song? Argh! I'm freakin' over them saying great things about people who are marginal. I mean, Ricky's review was BAD. And then right after his bad review, they praise Jasmine? C'mon.

I'm IRRITATED... yet sadly, I will watch this show til I draw my last breath. God help me.

Idol - Here's Wassup!

2009-03-04T15:55:00.014-05:00

Is that Carrie Underwood? Uhhh... no. This girl is cute and that is all... I have nothing else to say.

Have to be honest. I would've have given her vocals a "B." They were good, but not excellent. HOWEVER, she is a performer and was one that catches you and reels you into what SHE is doing. Can't teach that crap. Great song choice - contemporary and new. She's going through. And she's already got her hip hop name. I mean c'mon - "Lil Rounds?" that rules.

I don't care. She was boring to me. "I can't afford a stylist." Seriously? Neither can anyone honey. Oh, and the "The hairdresser messed up my hair," was what counselors like to call "projecting." Like what hairdresser "accidentally" dyes the bottom of your hair and your bangs purple? I mean, that's a pretty specific accident if you ask me. But this is not that kind of blog. SO - her singing... it was fine but I was bored. She's not making it through. TERRIBLE song choice.

Hmmm... this one is hard cuz I like blind people. And then it's not, because I don't think you should get special reviews (like he received last night) just cuz you're blind. I think he's bad. His pitch is everywhere. His moves are... slow - not clean. (His vocal moves, that is). I'm sorry, but if this cat wasn't blind he would've been ROASTED on that performance. I'm thinking he's going through - and I'm thinking this SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN!

You know what? I actually like this kid's vocals. And he would do ANYTHING for love. And so...for the love of God, take off that headband. Pretty sure he won't go through. Mamaw didn't help him any either.

This version of "Delilah" was boring. I didn't see anything special about it. Danny Gokey's friend (black guy that didn't make it) did this song better during Hollywood week. WAY better. Still can't believe he's gone. I was shocked that this dude got such positive reviews. Still - no way - not going through.

This girl has a very cool voice. She should've performed her song a whole step lower - those notes tore her up here and there. But she is really cool. Loved her. I think she's going through.

Alrighty, - I felt bad for her. She has some skills - but WRONG SONG! She had some beautiful parts to her voice (reminded me of Rachel Lampa a little) but man - she was flat almost throughout, which left me wondering if she was struggling to hear well. It's hard getting used to in-ears and sometimes you have to compensate for not hearing a "live" sound. Ain't going through.

Okay, now here's where I think I'm gonna take a beating. I gave him a big picture cuz I thought he was the best of the night. Nailed his genre - pitch PERFECT! Not the most incredible performer - but I'd listen to that song again. (I already might have). He's one of those toss-ups for me though. If I had voted last night (I didn't) he would've got my vote. I'm not thinking he'll go through - but i'd be real glad if he did.

What do you think?

Book Signing

2009-03-01T15:24:00.003-05:00

This weekend was my book signing. It was great! I realized two days before this event that I'd not only never done a personal book signing, but that I'd never BEEN to a book signing. I thought I should probably figure out what a book signing was, and what I should be prepared for, so I got online and googled "book signing."

I found a couple articles that had plenty to say about what to expect (the possibility that no one would show - or that one person would show up and talk to you for an hour... neither of which happened.) Main things I got was "don't stick your nose in a book or no one will want to bother you." The other was "get a good pen; one that doesn't smudge." I did both of those things. But there was something else about this signing... something important that I didn't expect.

We've been in a series about leaving Egypt for the past 3 weeks at my church... and how the Israelites were in slavery, cried out to be delivered from Egypt, were delivered from Egypt, but then continued down the same path by dragging Egypt (their own things [old life patterns, sins, etc.] that held them in bondage) into their new found deliverance and freedom. I understand this...like really... I get it. Because I've been there before. Still want to go back there sometimes. Not planning to buy up tickets anytime soon.

That being said... the book signing brought out a group of people that encouraged me. They were...real. The whole focus of my book, essentially, is about recovery. It's about learning how to become self-aware and learning how to be comfortable in my own skin.

My biggest hope for this book was that those who read it would know that they weren't crazy... no matter what is going on in their lives; no matter what hopeless thoughts plague them; and no matter how defeated they feel in themselves... that there IS hope. Funny thing; I really believe that, ya know? - that there's hope.

So as I was signing books and talking to people who had already read The Blind Writer, I realized that we spoke the same language. Lots of 12-step lingo flying around. A lot of people taking responsibility for themselves. A lot of people being honest about the fact that life is hard... that they're doing the best that they can... AND that many of them are finding healing after years and years turning their backs on their problems. So, did I love this book signing? Yes. I didn't expect camaraderie... but I found it. Because we all struggle, don't we? But unfortunately, we don't all get well.

Verse of the year for me: "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." Jonah 2:8 Can't tell you how much I love this verse. Hope wrapped up in responsibility. Cuz that's the only way it can happen.

Anyway, I've always felt a touch shameful and uncomfortable tagging the "this is where you can get my book" info on emails, blogs etc. I've felt like it was self-promoting or something. Well, after this weekend... specifically after talking with those people that I share common ground with, I don't feel that way anymore. We're all in it together, aren't we? Or at least we should be. I'm no better than you, and you're no better than me. Level ground.

So... if you've read it and think it would be helpful to someone you know... let them know they can pick it up at Capstone Bookstore at Northview... or they can order it at www.lulu.com/mattbays.

Peace, love, HOPE and healing.

Matt

PS The pens I picked were awesome.

if so, we're in big trouble

2009-02-27T20:15:00.002-05:00

Okay - I thought this was... ya know... good blog entertainment. Someone did this on facebook, and I thought it was fun. So follow the rules and end the eternal mystery of what your band and first album would be called.

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

5 - Post it to your blog, comment on mine and other blogs (I'm making this part up...since this was supposed to be for facebook, but whatev.)

American Idol: Here's What I Think

2009-02-26T17:37:00.007-05:00

Okay - Here's how I felt about last night.

This boy (below) I was REALLY hopeful for - but he ate it last night. Really not good - sheep vibrato. Viva La Vida? No way. I'm thinking he is not going to make it tonight. That's my guess. We'll see.

When I heard this kid say he was singing "Man in the Mirror," I thought... Michael Jackson is the kiss of death! But seriously, I was impressed. I thought he did really good. Wouldn't be surprised to see him as one of the 3 who make it tonight.

I thought this girl was by far THE BEST. She was original - vocally, she was with it. And the "Drops of Jupiter" vibe, I thought, was very cool. She probably won't make it since they roasted her in judging, but she absolutely should. Bummer. I'd love to hear more from her.

Seriously. What was this about? This kid made me nuts. You know, yes, he has serious singing ability. But it's not all about ability... it's also about how you USE that ability. Some of the best artists in the world, are not the best singers... but they are smart with how they "use" their talent. (Eric Clapton, Joan Baez) We don't need to see everything you've got in one song. Restraint is an important part of art. That being said - I was a little surprised at his rave review but virtually all four judges. But ask yourself this question. Would you EVER put that rendition of "Satisfaction" in your CD player to listen to? Maybe you would. Me? Not so much. I'm thinking he's in... but I did not dial 1-866-4357-12 for him. (That's right, I've got it memorized.)

Pretty please with sugar on it!!! I want him in this competition even though, ya know, it's... weird. LOVE him. He could pull it off, you never know. (he got my vote - yes, I vote. shut up. No YOU shut up!)

Other likes: - The girl who sang "Girl Put Your Records On." She was not so good at the end but I really like her sound.

-The girl that sang "Alone" by Heart. I was more impressed at the beginning - she got a little flat and screamy toward the end. But she is SIXTEEN, and that alone (get it?) is impressive.

"Betty Davis Eyes" girl. I like her - kinda want to be her friend. She was very cool.

Okay - that's it. Now... "let's dim the lights!"

Funeral

2009-02-25T18:25:00.011-05:00

About five years ago, I was at a funeral and was sitting in the back row of the funeral home. The service was in full swing. The pastor who was ushering this deceased man into the presence of God, did so like a complete idiot. Seriously. Worst funeral I've ever been to. He talked about what happens to the body as it disintegrates back to the "dust of the earth." Right. Not good. Who does that?

Anyway, as I was sitting there, next to my sister, I started getting bored. This guy was talking about how much Jesus suffered and a bunch of other stuff in the bible (pretty sure he went from Genesis to Revelation) so I was trying to find a way to entertain myself (counting the ceiling tiles, looking for people with strange neck moles, checking out what the world looked like by gazing through the glasses of the guy in front of me... normal stuff... A.D.D stuff.) Well, no moles, no glasses on the guy in front of me, and no ceilings tiles. So what's a boy to do?

I decided to see how asleep my foot could get.

It started out as an innocent test... really, it did. And then things got carried away. The pins and needles started in my foot, moved to my leg, my thigh, one butt cheek, my WHOLE butt.

I was amazed at just how asleep things can get if you don't re-position and let the blood-flow get moving. I kept touching my leg and butt and was kind of proud that I couldn't feel a thing. Nothing! All the while, the pastor was talking about death and the morbidity of it all.

Fast forward.

It's the end of the service and my plan is to re-position myself as the pastor is closing things out, to restart the blood-flow to my foot, leg and butt. So he begins to invite people forward to walk past the casket for one last goodbye. And when you invite the people forward, you start from the front, right? WRONG!

"Let's start with the back row," he says. Uh -oh. I began the self-encouragement immediately. The power of positive thinking, right? "Okay, I can do this. No biggie. I'll be fine." So I stand to my feet with everyone else in my row (my brother-in-law on one side, my sister on the other). So far so good. Standing on both feet - check. No problem. Then we started moving forward. I took my first step... and went down like a house of cards. On my way down I grabbed onto my brother-in-law's arm. My first thought was to fake being overwhelmed by grief. Too girlie. No one will believe that.

Now think about it. No one has any idea about my little secret game. No one knows that the entire left side of my lower body is as dead as the guy in the casket. My sister is standing behind me and says, "What's wrong?"

"My foot is asleep," I say, as if I'm surprised by this. "Just make it happen," I think, as I WILL myself to this feat of great dilution. I try to take another step and I CANNOT WALK! Meanwhile, everyone in my row is waiting on Idiot Boy to get moving so they can advance to the casket for their last goodbye.

My brother-in-law literally has to throw my arm over his shoulder and drag me through the row of chairs (as I write this, I still can't believe this actually happened) And I hear Heather saying, from the other side of my sister, "Is he okay, what's wrong?"

So as everyone forms a line and makes their way to the front, I sat off to the side with my sister, trying to get the feeling back into my lower extremities. She kept asking, "What happened?" Finally, I made her swear she'd never tell anyone. "What?" she said. She knew something was up. "I was seeing how asleep my foot would get... and well... I got a little carried away. I thought they would start dismissing from the front," I told her. "But they didn't, and I didn't have time to get my leg working again." It all made sense in my head.

I'll never forget her face. She grew up with me. She understood. I was still her little brother and even if I was thirty-two-years-old, she was not surprised.

I have to be honest. These are the things in life that make us unique AND that bug the crap out of other people. But it's all good. It's me. This is who I am. And I am a person who lets their leg fall asleep (a deep sleep) in order to take the edge off of my boredom.

Lead-offs

2009-02-17T19:31:00.005-05:00

When I was in elementary school we played kickball. Constantly. We played it everyday during recess. Before each game started, we had to re-establish the rules. One question you always heard was...

"Are there lead-offs?"

Lead-offs were when you were on a base, waiting for the next kicker to kick, and you took two or three steps toward your next base BEFORE the ball was kicked. If you had a good lead-off, you almost never missed your base on a decent kick.

Sometimes we played with them; sometimes we didn't.

I'm so dang ready for spring. I spent most of yesterday feeling blue... or should I say white.... or sludgy brown. Anyway, I wasn't being honest about how I felt and that is never a good thing. "Fine," I say. "Nothing is wrong," (lifted eyebrows - tightened lips) "I'm totally good." I wasn't. I was blue. And when I'm feeling blue, I always think I'm not doing enough good in the world... or accomplishing enough... and making my dreams come true... etc.

I was telling Heather about this tonight after work, (I'd decided to stop saying, "Fine.") She was asking some good questions... like, "Would it help to exercise? Do you wanna have someone over for dinner?"... stuff like that. But I don't wanna have someone over for dinner... and I don't wanna exercise. This is how I know it's the February Blues... cuz I ALWAYS wanna have someone over for dinner.

So I told Heather that I was bored. That I didn't want to do anything. That I wanted someone to entertain me. I want someone to put me in an adult sized stroller... wheel me around to different places, and let people entertain me.

Anyway... I need a lead-off. I just think if I could get a lead-off, I'd make it home and everyone would put me on their shoulders and I'd be the MVP or something, and wouldn't have to feel bored or depressed. Right now, I feel like if I don't get a lead-off, I'm gonna feel the sting of that red rubber ball in the small of my back. Just saying it makes me feel better though. I think in a way, saying it IS the lead-off.

So here goes, "I'M READY FOR SPRING AND I'M A LITTLE DEPRESSED AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE EXERCISING OR MAKING MYSELF DO STUFF I DON'T WANNA DO, AND I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO TRY TO SOLVE MY PROBLEMS FOR ME UNLESS THEY PUT ON SOME TAP SHOES AND START DANCING AND PROVIDING SERIOUS ENTERTAINMENT!"

So there's my lead-off. Good for me.

This picture....

2009-02-01T01:24:00.005-05:00

makes me happy... and...

makes me realize just how old they're getting
reminds me of what I'm living for
makes me crazy thankful
worries me a little (they are too pretty)
is a wake-up call to how much time I have left with them
is what I never had
is what many never have
IS what they have...
is what they will always have

Hotter than a Popcorn Fart

2009-01-29T21:35:00.006-05:00

It may not be pretty, but this is for real...

(Scratching your head? See below)

Beans, Jesus, Reading, Beans, Jesus, Gas

2009-01-28T20:55:00.005-05:00

Here's an update...

It was a snow day today and I wanted to get going on my new read "Jesus Wants to Save Christians." Still love the title. So I've read and eaten beans and rice all day. Remember in "Ice Castles?" (Please tell me someone besides me has seen this movie.) Remember when Lexie is blind at the end of the movie and no one knows she blind - and she trips on the roses and now everyone knows she's blind. And Robbie Benson has to get her off the ice, so he goes out to retrieve her and when he gets to her he says,

"We forgot about the roses." And they did.

Well, I ate beans, and guess what?

"I forgot about the roses." Only they weren't roses. They DEFINITELY weren't roses.

Okay - so I took Chloe to gymnastics this evening and sat in the balcony of the gym and read, read, read. And I am... speechless... don't even know what to say. I'm sad, inspired, challenged and moved, angry and overwhelmed and powerless... yet hopeful and happy and enlightened... and capable, equipped, and power-FULL!

Let me give you just a couple quotes from this anointed (I don't use this word lightly) book...

"A church's authority comes from how we've been broken open and poured out, not from how well we've pursued power and lobbied and organized ourselves to triumph. This is why when Christians organize politically and start flexing that muscle, making threats about how they are going to impose their way on others, so many people turn away from Jesus.

"Jesus' followers at that point are claiming to be the voice of God, but they are speaking the language of Caesar [of the empire] and using the methods of Rome, and for millions of us it has the stench of Solomon. (and then this... which I love) This is not the path of descent, it's not weak resonating with weak, it's not the Way."

LOVE IT!

So our authority, STILL, (as it was always meant to be) comes from surrender... from weakness. Jesus in the garden... swords drawn to defend him... a guy's ear cut off, and what? He puts and end to it. Says "this isn't going to work... put your swords away." We still haven't learned our lesson, have we? We get backed into a religious corner and we draw our sword. And Jesus would rebuke us, of this I'm certain.

Okay - how about this quote?

" 'I am the Lord your God, who brought you (us - you and me - the church) out of Egypt.' ...The church must cling to her memory of exodus, because if that memory is forgotten, the church may forget the poor, and if the poor are forgotten, the church may forget what it was like to be enslaved, and that would be forgetting the grace of God. And that would be forgetting who we are."

Beautiful.

Okay, last one...

"Isaiah declared that Egypt, Assyria and Israel would worship together. Egypt? The enemy? Assyria? The hated? If the prophet were to speak to us today, painting pictures of what it will look like when Jesus comes to town, what pictures would he give us? Who are our enemies today? What would be the modern equivalent of this? Taliban, my son? Al Qaeda, my beloved? Communion (the Lord's supper... the Eucharist) is about the church setting the table for the whole world."

THE WHOLE WORLD. I love this. I've had my own thoughts about "personal salvation" for quite some time - and how, yes, I need to be saved. But Jesus' salvation is for EVERYONE IN THE WORLD - and His salvation puts us all on level ground. My "enemies" are my brothers and sisters. Like really they are. And if God is not locked into loving America more that any other country (that would be favoritism), and we are supposed to be like Him, then shouldn't we esteem those countries, our enemies, our brothers and sisters, above our ourselves?

Shouldn't we put THEM before US?

Shouldn't WE set the table so THEY can eat first?

Nods and amens won't do anything though, will they?

God help me.

For real... God, help me.

Jesus Wants to Save CHRISTIANS!

2009-01-26T19:01:00.008-05:00

HERE ME OUT ON THIS ONE...

First of all, I've been reading this book.

It is challenging me - and in some ways it is disheartening. At the end of this post, will be a challenge for any of you (maybe all of you) who read this. And I'd love it if you would join me.

"Jesus Wants to Save Christians" is a great title for a book, by the way. I HIGHLY recommend this one. Order it, get it, read it, talk about it, and fix it... in that order.

First of all, the book has helped me (for the first time in my life - yep, I'm a pastor) to grasp the Old Testament story; that it's MY story. I actually feel like if someone said, "Hey, what's up with the Old Testament?" I wouldn't stare at the floor in hopes that they'd ask me something else; like something about the NEW testament.

So the first part of the book goes something like this:
Pharaoh owned slaves in Egypt - and used their slave labor to build his empire. (Empire) The Israelites (Pharaoh's slaves) prayed and asked God to help them; to deliver them from Pharaoh. And most of us know that God heard their cry and did it. And that they ran through the Red Sea, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Years later, the Israelites are in Jerusalem and Solomon is King. Now here's something I'd never connected that is SOOOOOO interesting. God told the Israelites NOT TO FORGET what He'd done for them; that He'd delivered them from bondage back in Egypt. So King Solomon, in order to not forget, is building a GINORMOUS temple, that looked something like this...

(a tad old school if you ax me)

He's not only building a temple, but a vast empire. (There's that word again.) Okay, so the temple is all fancy and beautiful and God is supposed to move in to it. BUT guess what? Solomon, in order to build this fancy temple is WORKING SLAVES HALF TO DEATH!!! This is key. The very thing that the Israelites had prayed for God to deliver them from is exactly what they are using in order to remember that God had delivered them from slavery. DUH! I mean c'mon... "Thank you God for delivering us from slavery.... MUSH SLAVE! BUILD GOD'S TEMPLE SO WE DON'T FORGET WE WERE ONCE SLAVES TOO!" It's a touch icky.

Okay - so now I'm moving on. So here we are in 2009 and this book is talking to me about the difference between "need" and "luxury." And of course, we all know about this, right? Well, here's an interesting paragraph that provides a little perspective on the issue. This is specifically regarding America...

"Human history has never witnessed the abundance that we consider normal. America is the wealthiest nation in the history of humanity. We have more resources than any group of people anywhere at any time has ever had. Ever. God bless America? God has."

So of course, the authors (Rob Bell, Don Golden) go on to give a zillion statistics, the likes of which we've all read before...nothing new. Except this time, I'm listening. And here's why. I'm listening because the empire that Pharaoh had created, fell. The empire that the freed Israelites had created along with King Solomon, fell. And there are others. And there will BE others. And this "falling" is connected to something that happens on the road from "need" to "luxury." There is something that gets lost in translation, in a BIG way. And here's what it is.

We start viewing luxuries as needs. And before long... we have no understanding of what "need" is, and luxury has replaced need and we no longer have a reference for what it means to live without luxury. So is luxury bad? Well, it wasn't in Jerusalem. But when they accumulated luxury, they forgot God. And how do we know this? Because they abused the weaker man, and started viewing their luxuries as needs and didn't take care of those weaker than themselves because they were too busy providing luxury for themselves.

Luxury vs Need. Forgetting God. What does that look like for us?

It looks like us thinking that losing our home and having to move into an apartment is completly devastating. It looks like our kids thinking that wearing their "not so cool" outfit to school is a cataclysmic event. The book goes on to say (here's my favorite part) that when JESUS talks about helping the poor, widows, and orphans, that we don't even know what that looks like - because we have no reference for it. Know why? BECAUSE WE ARE PERSERVING OUR LUXURIES... and when you preserve accumulated luxuries you can't help the poor... because you may not have enough left for your luxuries? Luxuries that are now seen as needs.

(Take a deep breath for a second - I had to.)

So they say that it's almost impossible (unless we change) to view Jesus' statements to "help the poor" the way someone in a third world country would. Someone in a third world country might hear that message and know that it meant to "share everything that they had, so that no one was in need."

Okay - I'm ending all this with a challenge. Whether you think it's a real big challenge or a real small challenge, I'd love it if you'd join me on it.

Tonight we had these for dinner...

I put an uneaten two in baggies for another time. (Probably because I've been reading this book. However, it is very likely, depending on the laziness factor, that they would've ended up in the trash.) As I was cleaning up I thought about "need" vs "luxury" and how important it is to know the difference... because, like I said, if you don't know the difference... you usually end up forgetting God (what He said not to do) and the empire crumbles. You can go big with this thought; big as in the AMERICAN empire... or you can think about your personal empire; the empire of SELF. The problem here is not luxury. The problem is forgetting what luxury is and who it comes from. The problem is not giving to the poor because I see my luxuries as needs and I'm hell-bent on preserving them.

This has become a problem in my home. It needs to change. So here's what I'm up to: Starting on Wednesday, I'm going on a steady diet of this:

That's right... a steady diet of red beans and rice... morning, noon and night, for 3 days. This will help me understand the difference, in some small form, between "need" (food -rb&rice) and "luxury" (ice cream, [sorry, top of my list these days] steak, chicken, assortment... variety).

Here's another thing. We recycle paper. No big deal, right. I hate that pile sitting in my kitchen that looks like this:

It bugs the crap out of me. I looked at it just tonight and thought, "I hate that messy pile. I wish we didn't recycle paper." (a word to myself - excuse me for a moment) "Seriously Matt? Because I'm pretty sure that recycling is VERY important to our environment these days." (okay, I'm back). So the second part of my challenge is to recycle something... anything... underwear, Tupperware, whatever. Or if you already recycle something... to get a good attitude about it (talking to myself here). To ENJOY that recycling is a need (believe it or not, I've considered not recycling, as a luxury that I enjoyed.... don't shake your finger at me!)

So are you up for it? (Amanda - I don't think you can do this pregnant) Are you interested in gaining a better understanding of "need" vs "luxury" SO THAT -1. we can remind ourselves of where our luxuries come from (don't forget me... God, that is.) and -2. keep the empire (America, ourselves) from being torn down and driven off our land. (yes, it's a metaphor... well, maybe.)

I leave you with one last quote from the book:

"If a particular resource becomes scarce at home or in other parts of the world, it can be very difficult to cut back, because the powerful forces of entitlement convince us certain things are deserved. Empires naturally accumulate, accumulation has consequences, and those consequences are expensive."

Are you up for it? Let me know.

SPEECHLESS!

2009-01-25T21:17:00.005-05:00

...and here's why...

This showed up on facebook today. I almost couldn't believe it was me. My head... Chloe's body. I've heard people say "You're so thin." Uhhh, this is exactly 41lbs ago (and at the same height, I might add.) I think it gives new meaning to the word "skinny." Bratty Beth called and said, "E.T. phone home!"

The thing about living in this day and age is, (especially with things like facebook) you just never know what might turn up. I have no recollection of this whatsoever. I mean, how did I find the time to work myself through high school AND compete in body building competitions?

This one is my favorite. I call it "Body for Waif."

And who could forget prom? Wow! I was not Prom King at "The Midnight Masquerade." What kind of sucky theme is that anyway?

You Know What I Think?

2009-01-23T21:56:00.009-05:00

It doesn't really matter in the long run (or the short) but I want to give anyone who reads this blog permission to NOT have to use Internet, facebook, myspace, texting language. It's dumb. DUMB! And it's weird when 30-somethings write crap like "LMAO" or whatever. Half the time I'm trying to figure out what it means. Seriously, is the "hahahahaha" thing supposed to make me think you're really laughing, or is just to let me know that you've made a joke? Either way, I can't hear you laughing. But I can assume (even without notification) that when you read a cute comment, see a funny picture, or receive a text-joke, that you smile and go on with your day... and that you probably don't throw your head back and go "HA HA HA HA HA" right out loud. I could be wrong.

Would it be appropriate to reply SIMC if I get a text that's not really that funny and alls I'm doing is...well...sitting in my chair? Or should I comment IWIWMW (I wish I were more witty) in a comment box, if I'm at a loss? Or what about IOSYB as a sort of confessional if "I only skimmed your blog."

I have to be honest; I've done the "hahahaha" thing before. I only did it once but it felt weird... like I was lying; cuz I wasn't really laughing. But there are times I've been laughing real hard... but haven't let anyone, via the Internet, know. Was that laugh fractional? Was it wasted because no one knew I was LMAO? I read a comment recently on a facebook that went something like this:

"OMG - hahahahaha - that is hilarious - hahahaha. I'm totally LMAO - OMG - I can't believe that.... WTF - ahahahaha!"

I've also noticed that when GOOD Christians text they don't use "LMAO" but instead use "LMBO." And they also don't use "WTF" but instead use "WTF" (what the frick).

Obviously you can do what you want. I mean, who am I to make the rules? I guess I just think that Internet abbreviated-lingo should be reserved for college age and down - sort of how 70-year-old ladies shouldn't get breast implants, and 65 year-old-men shouldn't shave lines in the sides of their hair. That's it.

TFL,

Matt (thanks for listening)

What To Do

2009-01-15T19:55:00.004-05:00

without hesitation
or judgement
or shame

I knew what to do
and did it

conclusive options
lined up like candies
each with a secret center
that would be...

worthless
tasteless
or...

perfect.

and this time...
i saw it

i ate it.

how a chocolatier's eyes
see and Know
if only by drizzled embellishment
so my gut, finally
knew exactly what to do

Foot in Mouth Part II

2009-01-05T20:45:00.004-05:00

So I've been thinking about the whole "Are your eyes blue?... Nope... woopsie, just cataracts" thing. And I think "Foot in Mouth Disease" stems from something else altogether. I have a problem sticking my foot in my mouth, yes. But where it begins is a whole different issue. BEFORE I say something, I usually get fixated on something that is not quite... normal. Like the guy with the cataracts... (see that post here) Once I'm fixated... I'm like Rain Man on Wapner -I just can't seem to let it go. Let me explain.

There was guy who used to work at Burger King in my home town. He had those little arms, ya know? And I couldn't stop thinking about them when I was there. He would swing one of them up to the fry caddy to fetch my fries. It was beautiful. And while little arm #1 was fetching the fries, little arm #2 pinched the buger bag up close to his body. It was like majic, those little arms. I was mesmerized since they barely even made it out of his shirt sleeves, and they were short sleeves, which made it all the more impressive.

I also knew a guy for 10 YEARS that had a blackhead on his ear. Never told him. Watched it everytime he wasn't looking, wondering if it was even possible for him to find it without the right mirror.

This problem of mine (and possibly yours... Katie C. are you reading this?) manifests itself in different ways. I was a nose nazi with my babies. Couldn't let it go - even if they had a cold. And it's not like I wanted to be this way... or that I even thought it was bad to have the dried up snot all over their faces. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I COULDN'T, as in, it wasn't possible.

And the list goes on and on - I can get fixated on any number of things. For instance:

1. I once knew a kid whose k-9 teeth were right next to his front teeth - wrong spot. Couldn't stop looking at them.
2. Moles. Nuff said.
3. A mashed finger that never gets better.
4. A HALF finger from a mowing accident.
5. In 3rd grade Belinda Adams' blonde hair was green after the summer - I stared at it every day in lunch in total amazement. I was sad it didn't make it til Christmas.
6. Dirty ears.
7. Dirt lines in someone's neck. (mostly just kids these days.)
8. Woobies in the corner of someone's eyes.
9. Talk balls in the corner of someone's mouth. One of my favorites. ("When will they feel 'em there - can't they feel them stretching out like that?")
10. The one-thick-shoe-sole man.

I know... it seems ridiculous, maybe even mean, but there's not a whole lot you can do about it. I've been told I was "mean spirited," and have felt bad on occasion, but then I read an article in a magazine called "ADDitude" (which is a great magazine dedicated to educacting people on ADD) that gave reasons why someone does this. How they may have a sense of "hyper-focus" and struggle to let stuff go. It could be anything... a fight; a slight oddity; a desire for a specific food item; etc. Well, that's me. I could be minding my own business & having lunch - and well, if the music is even slightly audible, it's very possible that I could get fixated on a bass guitar line, even if I'm carrying on a conversation with someone across the table. And well, if someone walks by with only one leg... I'm toast. Lunch over.

But anyway... there IS hope. And here's how I know. The other day I was in the kitchen and Chloe was watching a news show. Well, there was a girl on there who was a swimmer of some sort and she had no feet. I wasn't paying attention to the show. So Chloe says, "Rewind that Evalee - I wanna show daddy the girl swimmer with no feet." To which I replied, "That's okay honey - I don't really wanna see it." To which Heather sarcastically replied, "Wow; that's a first. You sure you don't wanna see the freak show?!?!" What can I say? She just doesn't understand.

I was proud though. I really didn't wanna see. And it's not because I had seen it before either. I've see "The Half Ton Man" on A and E about 17 times and I'm thinking about ordering the DVD. Fascinating.

Anyway, me not asking Ev to rewind it so I could try to figure out how a girl with no feet gets a spot on a swim team is proof positive that people can change.

Oh -and if you wanna check out the magazine "ADDitude," here's the website for ya. Great stuff!

Shuttle Run

2009-01-01T22:21:00.005-05:00

About 4 years ago, me, Heather's mom and a couple of Heather's cousins were sitting in Lois' (Heather's mom) hot tub. It was about 12 degrees that evening and there was at least 3-4 feet of snow on the ground. We were all laughing and having a great time. I got the great idea of daring my cousin Aaron to get out of the hot tub and run to the tree and back (about 20 yards). After much coaxing and jeering, he did it - and then several of us followed.

Okay, so I LOVE Heather's mom - cracks me up! So she's laughing with all of us (loves being around people) and is enjoying the hot tub, when I say,

"Hey Mom, I dare you to do it; only you have to run to the tree, dive in the snow, and run back." Everyone started rolling at the thought. Surely she wouldn't. I almost knew when I asked that she'd be game. She was. She was about 62 at the time.

So she got out of the hot tub and ran to the tree... "Dive, Dive!" we were all yelling. But instead of diving, she just fell straight back (Nestea plunge style) into the snow -and since it was so deep, she completely disappeared. Hilarious. So when she got back up - I started yelling, "Dive, DIVE!" as if she hadn't done enough already. So she does - head first. We were ROLLING! Oh my word - funniest thing I've ever seen. She is running back to the hot tub covered in snow... wearing a bathing suit; I mean seriously, get a picture in your head. It was hysterical. So as she's getting back in the hot tub, she says, "Man, that water stings!"

So anyway, this past week, we were at my sister-in-law's house for Christmas - and somehow a memory of Heather winning the shuttle run as a kid is brought up. (She's very proud of this. Says she won on account that her legs are only as long as my arm... says it puts her closer to the ground and she doesn't have to do a whole lot of bending over, which is a time saver.) Anyway, the next thing you know - it is ON! So two shoes are set up in the living room, time keeper recruited, and BANG, they were off. Heather went first and set the pace at 5.8 seconds. But what I was really waiting for was Lois. I knew she'd do it. She's 66 now so of course she had to make a couple lame excuses about how she might break something, blah, blah, blah - but then... she went for it.

Here it is.

I love her for this. Sounds corny - but this crap makes me feel young. Seeing her squatting at the starting line, and watching her throw herself across the finish line was a week's worth of devotions for me. I'll carry this for years - and when she passes on (probably when she's 113) I will fight to have this played during her funeral service. Know why? Because this IS Lois... at least to me it is.

Life is good. Live it to the full - don't you think?

Oh, and her time... 6.9 seconds. Not too shabby!

I know, I know - "Where's Heather's video?" Oh, I have it alright. But I'll have to ask first. I dare not post that thing without permission.

Foot in Mouth Disease

2008-12-27T00:21:00.003-05:00

One time I told a lady that she looked cute pregnant. She wasn't. Almost everyone has done this. I do it a lot.

A few years ago a girl walked in my office. It was a girl who had one dark tooth. All the others were beautifully white so this dark one stood out like beard dandruff. (Ever seen it? I have.) So I was typing away at my computer and looked over at Dark Toothed Girl, and exclaimed, "Oh, you got your tooth fixed!" I was happy for her.

She got a sort of weird look on her face and then responded..."No I didn't." A closer look...evaluation...and I realize that the dead tooth is STILL DEAD! As it turns out, the light from the windows was glistening on the dead tooth, which made it appear to fall in line with all the others. Total bummer. I hate that I do this. Hate it.

I've tried many times to stop doing this. Problem is, there's not a lot of good ways to "work" on this, ya know? It's an impulse problem... I blame it on my ADD.

So two days before Christmas, Heather and I attended the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert here in Indy. It was great. I noticed on our way in the auditorium, that our African American usher of about 75 years, though very dark skinned, had blue eyes. "Beautiful" I thought to myself. I wish I would've stopped there. Sigh. I didn't.

"Wow. You have blue eyes!" I said.

"No I don't," he said.

"Sure you do," I say. And I'm thinking there's no way he has blue contacts. He was way too old for that kind of vanity.

"Nope, I don't," he says again. Okay, so right here's where I should have shut my mouth, handed over my tickets, and headed in for the show. I know that now.

But I don't stop. Instead I turn to Heather and say, "They're blue right?"

"No," she says, and has that "Why are you talking to the usher about his eyes?" face that I've seen a billion times. I've seen it when I've asked to see someone's tattoo before..., or their toenail that has that fungus disease. (I call it "Crap Toe." My sister calls it, "Thick Toenail."

So at this point I'm a little embarrassed that Heather and Usher Man emphatically deny the man's obvious blue eyes, so I cave and decide to let it go. "Oh," I say. And that's it. But I DIDN'T say, "Oh, you're right." Know why? CAUSE THEY WERE BLUE!

So we walk in the auditorium and I say to Heather, "His eyes were blue. Why the heck did you say they weren't blue? Did you really not think they were blue?"

"Because Matt... He has cataracts!"

Uhhhhhh.....

Nice.

Do you know what cataracts are? They look a little something like this...

I thought about going back out and apologizing. But what do you say? "Hey, sorry about the blue eye thing... but seriously...your cataracts are slammin'!"

Anyway, I fear Foot in Mouth disease is incurable. Any remedies would be much appreciated.

Wood

2008-12-18T15:25:00.004-05:00

Heather and I were glad to trade in our "Easy Bake Oven" when we moved from Michigan to Indiana. Now we have a real life "wood burning" fireplace... as it should be. I think it's funny that Heather's mom saw our new fireplace here in Indiana and said, "Awww, that's too bad... no gas logs."

A couple nights ago was our very first fire of the year. The girls are finally old enough to go get fire wood (mowing the lawn is just around the corner).

This pic is what they first came back with - and I said...

"Go get something bigger than baby wood!"

So they left and came back with this!

Impressive!

Happy Season!!!

Fa la la la la... I'm happy!

2008-12-16T21:13:00.000-05:00

MY 100th POST!

2008-12-03T08:10:00.004-05:00

Yes - this is my 100th post! And what a way to commemorate it. My book arrived yesterday...all 500 of them! And I WILL sell out (the books, that is). I got a couple pics of them hogging my office. They can hog all they want - I LOVE them!

Okay - so one funny story. First I opened one of the boxes (the first of 16 boxes). Then I tore open a plastic packing bag. Then I removed the shrink wrap from a bundle of books. I took one book in my hands, prayed for it (not really), "oohed" and "ahhed" at it - AND THEN....

...opened it. AND....

...the guts were upside down! No kidding. The whole inside of the book was UPSIDE DOWN!!!

Right, so of course I was like "What the!" And I quickly grabbed for another thinking, "Every one of these suckers is going to be upside down and I'm going to have to send these BACK!?!?! I could feel the stress...are you with me? What are the chances?

So I sifted through 500 books - opened every cover to make sure my babies weren't retarded. 499 were perfect!

So I was telling my friend about this and said, "What are the chances that I would pick THAT box, and then THAT book from that box; it being the ONLY one that was upside down.

"One in 500," he says.

"Oh... right."

WINTER!!! LOVE it! Some of it.

2008-12-01T21:45:00.008-05:00

Okay - it's winter - and the snow is here...even if only for a few days.

The girls spent about 2 hours outside on Sunday, building a snowfort and snow...girl?

Love this pic - snowgirl with a pony tail. LOVE this about Chloe.

Decorations... complete with electric train under the tree.
(okay, for real...it's a pain in the butt)

I love our house at Christmas...and we decorate...EVERYTHING!

This one doesn't have much to do with anything other than my 10 year old (in 4 days) looks a little younger to me in this picture...and I like that. Isn't she precious?

Great Friends....miss 'em!

2008-12-01T21:36:00.007-05:00

We were in Michigan for Thanksgiving and met up with our good friends...our best friends, John and Beth and their family. Here are some pics.

John is less than convincing in this pic...oh wait - sersiously? Is he doing what I think he's doing? Okay, for real...just noticed that. Hilarious. I'm leaving it.

I love this pic because Amanda is getting older and you can tell. Plus I love Ev and Tori in the background - click on this one, Tori's face is worth it.

Best friends. There's a rumor that these two share a Chistmas ornament. Oh wait, that's no rumor.

The whole fam at Heather's parent's house. And Mimi. Only dog allowed in her parent's house. I'm telling you, this dog is a charmer.

So good SOOO good to see friends.

Love you guys!

The Blind Writer (The Book) is AVAILABLE!

2008-11-25T16:56:00.004-05:00

Hey Hey - it is ready!!! But first, a few words from our sponsor.

#1 - please - PRETTY PLEASE; if you intend to purchase a copy of The Blind Writer and you are in the area (the indy area) DO NOT order it online; and here's why: I will have copies in Capstone Bookstore at my church (CORNER OF HAZEL DELL AND 131ST - AT NORTHVIEW CHRISTIAN LIFE CHURCH) and they will be available next weekend (DEC. 5th and 6th). I need to sell those copies since they are all on my dime and I'm trying to make back the money it cost me to order these up. It would be a big fat BUMMER to pay millions of dollars in overhead and not make that $$$ back. (Have I already crapped on the release of this thing?) :) (smiley face denotes nervous desire to sell these things and pay off my credit card... hands awringing.)

#2 Tell all your friends it's the best book you've ever read and that it relates to whatever ails them; shoplifting, power tools, hard heels, different cheeses, trendsetting, bed wetting, dog shedding, blood letting... Oh yes, and spirituality and freedom from religiosity. If they need it; it's in there.

#3 So CLICK HERE and you can order a copy. This site also provides information on the subject matter of the book, and contains a snippet from the intro.

A HUGE thanks for support, critiques, encouragement, and shared excitement on this thing. Much of your excitement has been a catalyst for finishing the job. (Yes, I agree; it feels like a grammy award speech - but this is a heartfelt "thank you" for reading my blog and spurring me on.)

On a personal note... being able to share the difficulties I've journeyed through, spiritually and emotionally, is inspiring to me. I feel privileged at the thought of someone taking one step closer to Jesus (the real Jesus) and His very real healing.

And so... this is a grateful time in my life (and I suppose a great season to be thankful)

Okay so enough of my blabbing - ORDER AWAY!

Your friend,

Matt

A couple pics

2008-11-24T09:15:00.011-05:00

First of all... look at my dog. She is the BEST DOG IN THE WORLD! She sat in this thing for like 10 minutes while we laughed and snapped pictures of her. You do "snap" pics, right?

Second... today is "crazy hair day" at school. We do this every year - and every year Chloe wants the bee hive (3 years in a row). After I was done with their hair, Heather told me that the bottle of hairspray I was using was $13.00. So great, it should hold then.

My girls are fun...love 'em!

ELFin Magic

2008-11-19T21:44:00.004-05:00

Okay - if you haven't done this yet...do it! It is hilarious. Laughed my BIRTHDAY butt off (that's right, send presents.)

HERE is the link to see ours.

AND HERE is another one (this is Heather's fav)

Jesus

2008-11-14T18:22:00.007-05:00

We have a bookstore at our church. It's not a far cry from what you'd see in a Family Christian Store. In fact, it's exactly like that - only I know the people who work at our bookstore and they serve up great coffee.

I have come to understand how bookstores get all their stuff. Merchants come in with stuff they'd like to sell in the bookstore (t-shirts, mints, greeting cards, coffee cups, scripture pictures) and they show their merchandise to the manager. Together, the merchants and manager decide what is worthy enough to make it on the shelves; what will sell; what will make a difference.

Well, about two months ago, I walked into the bookstore at my church and the girl behind the counter yelled out to me, "Jesus is here!" I thought she meant me at first. She didn't. Then she continued as bold as she'd started. "Did you see Jesus?"

"What are you talking about?" I grunted. Obviously, I didn't believe her. And because I hadn't had my coffee yet, I didn't care.

"He's right over there," she says, pointing over my shoulder.

I turned around and saw a couple of men in business suits talking to another man who helps with the inventory at our bookstore. They were dressed to the nines and looked to be the kind of gentlemen who used Brylcreem on their hair. Both of them had their hair piled high on their heads; hair that only an old barber's comb could've piled that high.

There was a counter and four feet separating me and the business men. And since they'd heard Kim's very loud, "Jesus is here!" announcement, they were looking in my direction. I felt strange; like since I was a Christian I should be interested in finding out where Jesus was, or what Kim was talking about, so I instinctively headed toward them. One of the men smiled and held up a Jesus doll that was robed, bearded and sandaled.

"Creepy," I said. It was one of those moments where the words tumble out before you have a chance to take an oral inventory. At the time, I didn't realize they were merchants, and I guess I assumed that anyone who had seen this doll...like ANYONE...would've felt the same as me; which was, "Gross! Where did that thing come from?"

So after I had said, "creepy," the guy holding it immediately said, "He speaks in 3 different languages; Greek, Aramaic, and English," and smiled very nicely my way. This is when I realized they were serious.

I must tell you, and if you know me well, you know this is true; I'm hardly ever mean to people's faces. I usually wait until they are quite a distance away before I disparage them. I have great restraint when I'm feeling irritated by something as irritating as the Savior of the entire world being turned into a rubber doll that is no doubt, expensive, and that will be used to decorate someone's house somewhere...and perhaps used as a tool to "witness" to those who need to make Barbie Jesus their personal Lord and Savior.

But like I said, I hadn't had my coffee yet, so all of my polish and pizzazz was dormant at this point. "Oh," I said. "Hmmm," I managed; the corners of my mouth drawn downward, head slightly cocked and nodding. My outside did not match my inside. My outside was diplomatic and controlled. My inside was feeling the same as I had felt the first time I saw "A Clockwork Orange" by Stanley Kubrick. I was....speechless. And unfortunately, with my "creepy" comment, which was not able to be recanted, I had brought the already somewhat tense atmosphere to a new level.

I walked away thinking, "Please God, please let the powers that be say "No" to Barbie Jesus going on sale in our bookstore. I had already pictured twenty percent off tags on him, and it made me uncomfortable. I did not want him in our store." Two months later, still no sign of him. So far, so good.

Though I definitely stand in judgment of anyone who would buy Barbie Jesus and find a special place to hang him up in their homes, I wonder if it's possible that I've somehow done the same thing. I mean, I realize I'm not wearing WWJD bracelets anymore, since all they did to make me more like Jesus was nothing. And no, I'm not one who is real into religious bumper stickers or t-shirts. But I know that I've still got some of the residue on me; the spiritual residue from the early days of my Christian life when I was saying things like, "Praise Jesus," when all I really meant was "Thank you." Or "Hallelujah," which only meant, "I'm glad that worked out for you." The truth is, I don't want Barbie Jesus on my shelf or in my heart. He's rubber. He's not tested one bit and he's suffered about as much as any American Girl doll has. And that's not enough for me. I don't want a doll. I don't want something plastic and pretty. I want the real thing. I don't want a reminder sitting on my shelf that speaks in 3 languages...languages that most of the world has never even heard before.

If Jesus is real, and I happen to think He is, the Barbie Jesus doll will not do one thing for me other than have me thinking Jesus is a toy. Well, He's not. He's not a toy. He's a Jewish man who died on a cross for His community. For me. To emblazon His image in rubber and tiny robes doesn't work for me. And neither does putting a fish on my car, or a cross on my neck. It's not a bad thing per se, but it's not Jesus either. It's costume jewelry. It's costume faith. It looks like faith and beliefs, but it's not. It's replication. And replication is not real. Replication is imitation.

Imagine if people didn't have bibles to carry around. Imagine if they didn't have Christian music to listen to. Imagine if they didn't have Christian pamphlets to pass out, or bumper stickers to stick on their cars, or crosses to wear, or t-shirts to speak for them. What if people couldn't blab on and on about their faith in Jesus? What if they couldn't buy up Billy Graham videos to pass out to their friends? What would happen? Would they be scared? Think about it. No Christian paraphernalia. No Christian bookstores. No Christian schools, cards, or movies. No Christian churches. What would happen? What would we do? How then would we be able to get our point across?

OUR point?

What if we couldn't speak of Jesus? What if we couldn't tell people what He had done for us? What would we do?

We'd have to do something. But what?

Maybe we'd have to...live Jesus. Maybe we'd have to breathe...Jesus. Maybe we'd have to...be Jesus. And maybe Jesus would have to love people. Maybe WE would have to love people. Maybe Jesus would have to save the world. Maybe we would have to save the world. Maybe Jesus would have to live from a redeemed place. Maybe we would have to live from a redeemed place. Maybe Jesus would have to show up. Maybe we would have to show up. Maybe Jesus would have to change lives. Maybe we would have to change lives. Maybe Jesus would have to turn the world upside down to get His point across. Maybe we would have to turn the world upside down to get His point across.

HIS point.

Jesus would have to be alive. We would have to be alive. Jesus would have to live what He believed. And so would we. Because the trappings would be gone. The props would no longer be accessible. We would have to really believe all that we said we believed. We would have to live without all the Christian bells and whistles. Without those things that "identified" me as a Christ follower. I'd have nothing to mark me as a Jesus person; nothing other than the love in my heart that drove me to accept people as they are. Nothing other than the sweat on my brow, that got there from helping my neighbor who was recovering from surgery. Nothing other than the use of my hands, that defended the poor and helpless.

I'd have nothing but love. I'd have nothing.

Nothing...but Jesus.

Halloween...here and gone!

2008-10-31T22:25:00.009-04:00

Such a PERFECT night for Trick or Treating! My girls are getting older, but they still love getting dressed up for Halloween. And I have to admit...I love making their costumes. Anytime I get to throw caution to the wind and be creative, it's a good thing.

Chloe was a "Corpse Bride." She had many opinions about what she wanted. We worked it out and came up with this. Her head piece and hair ruled.

I had to sort of talk Evalee into her costume, but since she is ALLLL about comedy and being funny - she caved and went for it. Now I have to tell you - this costume was the deal. We had people rolling all night. Fun!

Here's our neighbor Chuck. He always gets dressed up.

It was a great time...lots of candy...lots of neighborly nods and waves... I love how fun little holidays can break up the monotony of our lives and bring so many of us together to celebrate.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Loving the Fall....

2008-10-15T20:56:00.003-04:00

I really love fall. Here are some pics that say it all...in the fall!

This one is on a water color setting. Subtle change. (crappy camera)

God alone on this one - completely untouched.

I had to slip this in there because it's cute. Do you know how much Heather loves Dine or Dash? Oh my word. But someone help me...why would you want to wait on kids, do the stay at home mom thing all day, only to relax by serving up angry customers who want their food NOW?!?! Just curious. She's cute though, right? Love it.

It's in...almost!

2008-10-07T21:10:00.003-04:00

Here are some pics of it. I've still got to look through this copy... see if I can find some more typos - and to make some final edits, but for all intents and purposes, IT IS FINISHED!!!

Still to do: set up online ordering, a couple adjustments to the cover, ordering a bulk of them for our bookstore... should be ONE MONTH; that's what I'm guessing.

As you can see I laughed, I cried, I put it next to my bible.

Blessings!

Crisp Fall Day...

2008-10-06T20:16:00.008-04:00

We went to a park (I don't know which one, of course, cuz that's how I roll...but it had trees, dirt, water, paths...ya know, normal "park" stuff. Chloe is looking old in this pic.

Heather's parents were in town for Ev's 8th birthday. I love this pic.

Can you believe they've been married for 123 years! Woah. I wonder why people don't stay married anymore. I mean, I know why, but I also know that something must still be broken in us. I mean, we are christians (most of us) people who are committed to making it work, to looking inside and getting things cleaned up and yet we are still at the same divorce rate as people who don't affilitate themselves with faith in God. Hmmm... anyway, this isn't supposed to be that kind of blog so I'll shut up and get back to the pics.

Aren't they cute though?!?!

Covered bridge

Favorite pic of the day. Being risky.

And Mimi. Always Mimi. Could she be cuter? If this dog dies, we are sunk!

Day Old Poetry

2008-09-23T20:47:00.011-04:00

I found some of these on my computer. I love words...arranging them, using them, making them up... or just reading them. Love them.

Some of these are old and tired - some are attempts to use words in a new way - some are attempts to "get it out" and be done with it (one of these did this for me -see "To a Daydream Ending")

BUT...

...you are only allowed to read these if you promise to attempt a poem of your own in a blog post of your own (in the near future.) Afterall, it is national poetry month (no, it's not - but it should be, on the brink of fall and all.)

So read on, and then share some back.

Highway Questions
(written in the car, on the way home from my audition at Northview)
How does one white line
Stretch on for a million miles
(or seven years)
Without one question
About direction?

Its second cousin
Just ten feet left
Vacillates
He stops and starts
Like night and day
“Should I stay or go?”
Will it be rain or snow?

Second cousin takes my hand
To lead me home
(to Flushing?)
Or…To Indiana

25 Words
There are only
25 words
in this poem
And you will count them
How could you not?
But none of them
will be
about you

No Friend of Mine
Friends
Without hands
Are no friends of mine
They can’t even give me
A proper send off
Or wish me well
Or wave goodbye
("25 words" and "no friend..." were written together,
when I was mad at some people)

The Twinkling of an Eye
In the twinkling of an eye
In a moment
Things change
A man forgets to call
A hair turns white on the head of wisdom
A lover leaves to find his freedom

I left to find my freedom
A hair turns wisdom white on my head
And I’ll forget to call
And things will change
In a momentIn the twinkling of an eye

The Perfect Number 7
7 years old
6 teeth missing
5 year old sister
4 one more summer
3 women in my life
2 little girls
1 happy daddy

To A Daydream Ending
I apologized in a daydream today
It went very well
She forgave me
Understood where I was coming from
Invited me in for coffee

We drank from our cups like old friends
As if we had put it all behind us
I was relieved
And I sensed a reprieve
An official stay of execution

She was prettier than I remembered
I don’t know how I missed it
At our song and dance classes
Her furrowed brow, my contempt
Bloody in the eye of the beholder

But we put it all behind us
Got on like old friends
Toasted with Colombian, “To us”
“To a new beginning...”
“To a daydream ending.”

Speak Easy
(written at the restaurant, "Speak Easy" in Flushing, Michigan -on the eve of my 6 week sabbatical of what had been a rough and wonderful stay at NCC)
One day before the altar
The altar of myself
One day before I falter
I falter on myself
One day before I investigate
Investigate the evidence of six years past

It’s a cold case file
Matt Bays…
Case closed!
But now reborn

It’s Sunday
The modern day Sabbath
All your sins are known
But not atoned
But not alone
…either

I will be singing songs
From a George Michael album
“Freedom, I won’t let you down”
But nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen
The lessons I’ve learned
The lovers that were spurned?
The Jesus-crossed lovers

That betrayed me with a bull's hit lie
With a wink of the eye
With a pack it up
…and take my tithe

One day before my altar
One day before I falter
Before I believe
Before I am relieved

And send the cobwebbed messages to sleep
In the basement of St. Pious
To the end of all my grief
And I will speak easy
(and I was right)

Forgot Ames....bad Matt.

2008-09-12T12:32:00.007-04:00

So how can I make it up to you Amy? Hope about 3 pics from different eras? Yep, great idea.

Ames - Class of 1979

Ames - Class of 1990

Ames - Class of 1963

My Yearbook

2008-09-11T21:54:00.014-04:00

Well, I've been seeing this "My Yearbook" thing on facebook and have been cracking up at it. So I decided to "yearbook" a few of you who I know read this blog. I have laughed HARD while doing this tonight. Hope you enjoy it as much as I have!

Lil Kim - Class of 1956

The Laundress - Class of 1986

Katie - Class of 1984 -"Hee Hee!"

Wee - Class of 1968

Liller (June Cleaver) 1954

Lilly Pad - Class of 1970

Jen - Class of 1968

Krista - Class of 1987

Heather - Class of 197?

When exactly was this happening? Reminds me of Tommy Bradford on "Eight is Enough."

Beth - Class of 1955

Your Head Master - 1952

What I'm Going to Miss About Summer!

2008-09-03T20:00:00.000-04:00

Getting Older...

2008-09-01T16:22:00.004-04:00

There are a few things I've noticed about being in your 30s (well, late thirties).

1. When you jump down from something, hitting the ground feels much different than it did when I was 18. It used to feel like a slight jarring; but now feels as if I have strapped a small house to my back before jumping.
2. I have allergies that have come with age. Never had them until my late 20s. NONE! And now..ragweed. I spend most of the fall feeling like this...

3. I have white hairs in my beard now, and they are soft. I'm RE-learning to shave because apparently the way I shaved before is not good enough for them. They don't shave off unless you shave against the grain of the way they grown. So if I shave normal, I will end up with a little field of white hair all over my neck - retarded!
4. Hard heels. Had my very first pedicure last week. I think she had to use a belt sander.
5. Age spots...shouldn't those happen when I'm in my 90s. That was a surprise.
6. Hair in the ears - I'm obsessed with it... just ask Heather. Oh, and also very long eyebrows that I watch like a hawk.
7. Thicker toe nails. No more cheap clippers; they keep breaking.
8. Soundly sleeping seems to be over. Too much on the brain.

Of course there are plusses. I'm smarter, less selfish, a better person. Plus I'm starting to look like Pierce Brosnan. Seriously, that was a joke. Oh, that reminds me of something. I went to see "Mamma Mia" with some friends a couple weeks back and in the middle of it, one of my male friends says, "Isn't he handsome?" meaning Pierce Brosnan. And I think he's kidding cause guys aren't usually man enought to say things like this...but apparently, he is. And then he responds to my puzzled face with, "What? He is." It made me laugh. I love when people catch you off guard. I mean I would've expected this from a guy who was sort of "metro" you know, but this guy isn't metro...he's pure hetro. I tried to tease him about it later, but he didn't care...just kept saying, "Well, it's true."

Anway, what about you...anything you're noticing giving way in your 30s (or you're 20s really - i noticed crap them too.) Or how about your 40's. Tell me all about it. I'm listening.

A NEW Excerpt from the Book

2008-08-28T21:16:00.014-04:00

Okay, so here's the little update. Sorry I've been so Blogligent but I've been SUPER focused on getting this book DONE!!! I have sent off for a copy and am going to be sifting through editing stuff over the next couple weeks. And then, probably mid-October, they will be ready. I'm pretty excited!!!

Oh, and our own little Beth Harris has done the author photo for the back cover. Heather saw the picture and said, "Did you photo shop in more hair?" Uh... maybe. No. Sheesh. Give me some credit.

Here's an excerpt from a chapter entitled...

"Addicted to God"

...I have to tell you, ten years ago if someone had told me I was addicted to God, I would’ve been proud. I would’ve thought it meant I was in the center of His will. I would’ve thought, “Right, and you’re not. That’s why I’m going to heaven, Loser.” But at twenty eight, when my wound started resurfacing, I did the “God is my all in all” thing for about two or three years, but to no avail. I read and prayed and praised and spiritualized, and nothing. I mean sure, I learned some stuff about God, but the pain was still there; killing me inside. My mentor, Jan, from twelve step, finally said this to me about all my praying and bible reading and whatnot. She said,

“So how’s that working for you?”

“It’s not,” I told her. So I decided to try something else. And that something was to let God take me on the wonderful, painful journey of facing my wounds, and to stop “using” Him to distract me from them.

I started participating in my twelve step meetings and began to let our group know how I really felt on the inside. And you know what they said every week?

“Keep coming Matt.”

And I did. Every week I went. And I stopped talking so much about how good God was and instead spent time talking about my hurts.

I finally asked God to show me what to do. Together, I felt like we got down on the ground in the woods with our fossil tools and brushed away the dirt covering my fossilized wound. I can picture Him on the ground with me; one hand picking at the hard earth, the other holding something to brush away the dirt. He would dig and then brush the excess dirt away. And then dig some more, and then brush more dirt away. Until finally He would begin to reveal a little bit more of the preserved remains of my wound. And pausing to get a closer look, He’d shake His head at it, because He would know that it never should have happened. And then He’d let me tell Him about it, listening intently as I would rant and rave to Him about how it wasn’t fair. And then I’d be mad at Him for allowing it to happen to me. He’d never chastise me for being mad, and definitely not say, “I’ll work it out for the good,” as if this scripture was some kind of spiritual loophole for the nightmare I had lived with. Instead, He would be sad about it. He would tell me He was sorry for the pain I had carried all these years.

He would make sure I knew that when I was ready, He would do something about it. He would carry out the process of healing me and making me whole.

And then He would show me how to live with Him. He’d show me the difference between living with Him and using Him. Never in a hurry, He’d take all the time I needed, possibly a lifetime. But knowing I wouldn’t have to be “over it,” that I wouldn’t have to be anything but who I am, is what would keep me moving forward; and what would finally have me replacing the pain, with Him, for the first time.

Olympic Weird-nesses...

2008-08-18T08:30:00.006-04:00

If it's true that they used the girl on the left to lip sync during the opening ceremonies, that is just a little sad. Word is, the girl on the right is the actual voice but wasn't "cute" enough to be displayed during the opening events. But no worries...I'm sure that won't stick with her FOREVER!!!

Why did they just put a little make on it and make it sing. Sheesh! China... C'mon!

Okay....don't judge me. But last night when this hit the screen, I said out loud, "I don't get how a boy gets to compete with the girls." And yes, I really meant it. It is 2008 after all, and I thought it was one of those thingys where there's a girl on the boys wrestling team or something. Nope, just little old (she's 33) Oksana. She took home the silver for Germany and has a pretty amazing story you can read here.

She fell and beat out Alicia Sacramone? C'mon now China. What's up?!?! Also, did anyone see her let out that big giant "YALP!" before she ran down for vault number two. Weird. Heather and I were rolling. What was that?

The medalists all together. I think Okasana looks a little like Harry Potter here...minus his glasses.

Mike and the Nakies

2008-08-13T20:59:00.012-04:00

For real -someone tell me why Michael Phelps and all his comrades are wearing my mother's bikini bottoms Circa DE 1977.

"Because they're testing new swimsuits in an Australian study to see if they're aerodynamic."

Really? I don't think so. How exactly would having the suit 2 inches above your business, make you swim faster? Right, it wouldn't. Just ask my mom. She could barely swim in hers 30 years ago and she can barely swim in her one piece with a skirt now. I mean C'mon!

We had a houseful the other night and were watching "Michael and the Nakey Nakey Boys" get their victory for the 4X100 relay, and when I mentioned their suits to our company (everyone is thinking it, no one is saying it)- everyone groaned. Is America groaning? Is God? :) I think America is groaning and should take a stand.

When I was in college, I was at a basketball game where a kid from the other team didn't have his basketball jersey tucked in. So we all chanted "Tuck in yer shirt, Tuck in yer shirt!" for about 30 minutes. We took small breaks here and there, but our tenacity paid off and our college erupted with a deafening cheer when he finally surrendered to our chant, and tucked in his shirt.

Could we do this with Michael? Could we chant, "put on your pants" or "pull down yer shirt?" and get him to comply? If I were in Beijing I swear I'd start recruiting some folks; some good ole Americans to clear their throats and sing. And if the Mike and the Nakies didn't comply, we'd throw very large swim trunks from the stands... maybe some knickers.

What can I say...I'm a socially active kind of guy. Anyway, this had to be called out.

Ahhhh... there we go. I feel much better.

FACT:

2008-08-12T20:47:00.003-04:00

Fact:
This first day of school can stick it!

Fact:
August is STILL SUMMER!

Fact:
School starts tomorrow and it shouldn't!

Fact:
Our ice cream social/get acquainted with our teachers thingy tonight, served ice cream sandwiches. And they were small!

Fact:
I want them HOME!

Fact:
Their new haircuts are cute.

Fact:
Their teachers better be nice.

Fact:
I'm sad that they are getting old, and letting go sucks.

Fact:
But that's life, isn't it?

Fact:

They don't look like this anymore. Sigh...

Open for Business!!!

2008-08-06T23:19:00.002-04:00

Wee... is open for business people. Check it out here!

Chained to a Split Rail Fence

2008-08-01T23:02:00.015-04:00

I've been thinking over the last few days. Sometimes we do things not good for us. I have. All of us have. Sometimes we struggle to stop those things. Well, I guess most of the time we try. So there are a few undercurrents in my own life, that I have somehow managed to row away from, and have since found myself floating down the lazy river and REALLY REALLY enjoying the sun.

How?

Well, a thought occurred to me. (And if you know me at all, you know I'm not all "christiany" in that "christian" way, where I say things like "I just gave it to God; I let go and I let God; I put it at the sweet feet of Jesus." These are all things that certainly have their place in the world, and in the faith. But in my experience, I found that MOST of the people who say things like this, or who have said things like this (me) are just filling up their world with anecdotal noise.)

Okay...so...on we go.

I have believed that it was possible for God to save me from this world for about 19 years. And I've been gaining ground on what this means ever since I first started to believe this was actually true. So over the last 19 years, I've struggled to let go of things that have entrapped me and have ruined significant years of my life. But as these 19 years have passed, and as I've pressed on and really worked HARD (especially in my 30s -which just happens to be the years that our little friend "denial" runs out of steam and stops doing his job) I have found it easier (not easy like butterflies and rated G movies) to let go of the things that had been holding me at gunpoint.

And so I was thinking, "How come I've been able to let this go? How come? Am I just good? Am I strong? Am I a great christian? Is my faith in God stronger than others?"

It's a good question if you think about it. It's actually a great question. How come I have somehow overcome something that seems to be UN-overcomeable to other people; including other believers? Of course there are many answers to this. I've often wondered how my brother (when he was still alive) quit smoking, cold turkey; assuming that it must have been because God just took the desire from him because he had NO will power, and would never have been able to do it on his own. Especially when it has taken some people 5 years to quit. My step mom "quit" smoking about 14 times over the last 14 years, but still snags one here and there as stress mounts. So what then? How have I been able to do it, when others haven't?

Because I have learned what bondage is, and I DON'T LIKE IT!

Not "don't like it" in the way I don't like a pair of shoes or a bad haircut. Not at all. I'm talking about a "don't like it" in the way I don't like a sexual predator that has abused my child. I don't like it because it has robbed me of good living, and has choked me out and left me overwhelmed, tired, unmanageable, confused, anxious...

CONSUMED!

I don't like bondage. I hate it! I've had some very clear moments where I've realized just how much it has taken from me, and then saw what it had left me chained to. And it is THIS knowledge that has given me the will power to change.

So I guess for me, it looks like this: I'd run to the ends of the earth to rescue my child from an evil person. I'd give whatever it took to get their life back for them. I'd do anything!!! And so would you...right? But for so many years (sound familiar?) I had NOT done the same for myself. Like a kidnapped child I had been carried off by sin, chained to a split rail fence like Matthew Shepard, and left for dead. And all this time, I never realized it had gotten this bad. I didn't know that I'd been left out in the cold to die. And because I didn't realize just how serious it was, I didn't call out an APB, and I didn't get the authorities involved, and I didn't assemble my friends into a search party and send them out to find me. But this year, I did.

And now I've been rescued. I've been changed. (really) And I'm free.

Mmmmm Hmmmm...Gimme some Pat!

2008-07-31T17:26:00.009-04:00

This is a serious Rock DIVA! Love me some Pat. So next weekend at church, our children's ministry has the service and some of the kids will be rocking out with us. So, to hit everyone (with our best shot) we are doing "We Belong" by Pat. We've changed a few of the lyrics, so they won't belong to "the thunder" as much as they'll belong to "the Father." Parents with kids will LOVE IT, doncha think? And the kids will be holding down that awesome kid's part in the background that we all loved but could never sing cuz it was too high...well, not for me, just for the rest of you. (my meaning? I'm awesome, hello!)

Our very own Beth Liller will be holding down the legendary pop diva's lead vocals. Oh, she can totally handle it...no worries there. But can she smear a little extra eye shadow, put some extra air in her hair, and find her old tube of "kissing slicks?" Filling a pop diva's shoes is certainly not all about the vocals!

And if you've never heard this song, or if you just need to hear it again, or catch a quick glimpse of Pat, well then, here you go! Have at it...she's all yours. It's strange how matronly Pat looks in this VH1 Classic. She looks like such a mom. Seriously though, love her vocals.

***Just as a tidbit of trivia ...did you know that Pat Benatar was accepted to Julliard School of Music in New York City? (a very prestigious music school), but bowed out before going, and then married her high school sweetheart and supported herself as a bank clerk and waitress before being signed by Chrysalis Records and recording her first album. Hmmm, surprised you didn't know that.

2 Things!

2008-07-27T22:04:00.004-04:00

Okay, Woah...it's been a long time! First off...here's the reason I've not posted in a while...

I don't know if you've discovered this or not, but I give you fair warning...ADDICTION!

Secondly, I've mentioned before that I've been working on a book. So the other day I sent off the first draft to an online publisher (which is what I plan to go with). I want to be able to review it in book form so I can get a better feel before ordering up a million copies to sell to my mother. Going with an online publisher only gives you so many options with color, layout and whatnot. So here's the cover.

I'm pretty taken with it. I'm really liking how it turned out! Isn't it exciting?!?! I still have a lot of work to do...especially with editing and such...and a few chapters to finish and clean up. But I will get this done!

Any thoughts? You can click on the pic to enlarge it and read the back cover. I'd love some contructive criticism...really...I'm not THAT sensitive.

More More More Summer!!!

2008-07-17T19:31:00.024-04:00

I haven't enjoyed a summer this much in quite some time. I'm convinced it is the ages of our kids. The things they come up with. Here is the wagon, with it's very own sun umbrella. And of course it is electrical taped to the wagon. And a sleeping bag!!! Where do they dig up all this crap???

Here are Evalee's crocs just sitting out in the middle of the yard, because summer is for barefooting it!

This is our neighbor Devon, playing some catch with his dad.

I was pretty impressed with his arm. This kid does everything from baseball to knitting. No kidding. He's a full function child.

Oh, and his dad, Rick. He's not cool but he thinks he is. He also thinks he's funny...nope not funny either. Drives past my house when I'm out and heckles me from his car.

Sweet little Evalee. Love this child. She has been spending hours and hours outside. Her hair can not get much blonder. They just remind me of how we would leave our house at 9am when I was little and not return home until the 6pm fire house siren rang...or chimed or...sirened. What do sirens do? Anyway, I loved being outside!

And of course the sweet little Mimi head. I know, I know...whatever. She's an amazing dog, what can I say?

And lastly, Heather. Cause she's cute and because she's taken such good care of me for the last 2 and a half weeks. I want summer to LAST!

Happy Birthday Wee!

2008-07-16T22:18:00.005-04:00

44 - Dingy Dang!

Your present is in the mail!!! Tomorrow...

Today...My First Day Back!

2008-07-16T21:29:00.007-04:00

Okay, so it was my first day back after fighting pneumonia. I went in for four hours. Those of you who have had it, seem to sympathize and understand what a huge pain in the neck this is. Very frustrating to be out of work for 2 + weeks and still feel as if someone has put a hex on your lungs and shrunk them down to the size of a nickel. Anyway, I am definitely on the mend, but it is slow.

So I went in for 4 hours and when I arrived I felt like this...

After four hours of work, I felt like this...

Which is honestly not too bad. And although I was pretty shaky, I came home, slept for two hours and had really gathered some strength back. So this is good.

Honestly, I was just glad I didn't come home feeling like this...

So you take what you can get. I'm on the mend.

Please keep praying. Everyone who has had this is now talking about "The Pneumonia Relapse," which is common for people who push things too quickly. And I've also had 2 different people tell me about someone they knew who had DIED! of pneumonia in the last couple years, which is always encouraging.

All in all, I'm feeling better. Being able to move; Being able to sit outside; Being able to yell at my kids; It's the little things that we take for granted.

Okay, this is Jen...

2008-07-14T21:57:00.002-04:00

Jen used to be on our worship team here in Indy. She moved last year to Florida and I keep up with her on her blog. Now...just trust me when I say you must go to her blog and read this story. I promise a really good laugh.

i write to...

2008-07-13T20:27:00.007-04:00

i write to know i'm not alone...

Nope.

I write to hear myself think
to live my life in the pages of a journal
to wander through each line
to sit on top of adjectives
to hide behind verbs
to form myself into an exclamation point
on page 263
as if it were my last page

I wrote when i saw rows and rows of corn on my drive to Owosso
crunchy golden corn husk
feathering the descended cloud mist
and with my chin to my shoulder i watched them
I sped by
and was surprised to see them
rows of them
chatting patiently with each other
making friends
corn friends
husk to husk

I wrote again when i saw my friend
who had given in to a familiar sin
status quo had eaten him alive
even though he appeared to be
well done

I wrote in my sleep last week
when i couldn't figure something out
but i did figure it out
and then woke to the smell of my wife at my side

sometimes...
by the time my head levatates each morning
i have had fourteen ideas
for explaining something with my pen
though i always forget my best brainchildren
like a preoccupied mother
and end up with those forgetful ones
the ones with red hair and such

BUT...
the best of the best
were only alive in MY head
and they made it out of my conscious
to the land of the sub-conscious
And they will swim
because that's what they do

I write my signature on things
because i am famous i guess
the mortgage companies
must be selling my autograph on ebay
becuase they request a new one each month
i know, i know
you "need it"for the "payment"
i understand how that "works"

I write the songs that make the whole world sing
and it's not even hard
just write a dumb line or two
one that gets everyone all worked up
one about life and those less fortunate
and you will get every tender heart gathered in one
big sappy crowd to sing "we are the world"
but when the song is over
they will change the channel
they will go home
they will not lift a finger
to do a thing around this place

I write out my anger
i lash it out more like
the pen is mightier than the sword
when you finally say what you mean
but don't really mean what you say

And lastly,
i write with a blade of grass
in the carpet of the earth
among the bugs and the caterpillars
they have lives too
and i explain theirs with words
I dip my proverbial pen in a puddle of rain
as they sit by and watch me write their lives
and they are thankful that someone cares
and they turn into butterflies for me
and wrap themselves up in cacoons to say "thank you"
and they rub their legs together...
and write the songs that make the whole world sing

Pneumonia Update

2008-07-10T17:51:00.003-04:00

So here's how I've been feeling lately...

But actually, today I feel a smidge better...just a smidge. I have a game plan. I'm trying to lay around (if I can actually stand that any longer) for the next 3 days. My doctor says this will get me to the point of being able to "live" again. I'm not one to lay around so this has been absolutely frustrating, but today I made some peace with it. I feel a little like John Travolta in "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble." Anyone seen it? Good flic. Good flic.

And I sign off today's post with my new summer look. I wasn't planning on going this short but those dang clippers...wow. I'm kind of digging it though. I'm not used to looking menacing. I'm kind of curious to see if I can go to...Blockbusters or Burger King and stare people down or scare old men or something. It'd be better with a neck tattoo. Although I'm sure I won't seem very threatening with all my inhalers, my fat cough, and my walking at a snail's pace. Ah well, whatryougunna do?

Tonight

2008-07-09T21:41:00.003-04:00

Still at home feeling sick. It was pneumonia, by the way. Worst thing I've experienced in a long time. So here's the best part of my day; this sweet baby girl. (Not really a baby, but she's my baby) Could she be any more beautiful? She wanted a piece of bread before bed. While she was eating it, I was staring at her thinking about how gorgeous, sweet, wonderful she is and how blessed I am to be her dad. My camera was lying right beside her so I snapped a few quick shots.

If you're praying for my health, thank you.

I Feel Crappy!

2008-06-30T21:15:00.001-04:00

Someone kill me! I feel sick sick sick!!!

I Have the Flu!

2008-06-29T21:53:00.003-04:00

For three days I've been saying, "I've got this weird tickle in the back of my throat." I felt like I had to cough all the time. I thought, "Asthma." Sometimes I get that after I exercise. So yesterday, I led a rehearsal and two worship serivces feeling decent; I was fine.

Fastforward a little.

After last night's services I drove to our friend's house and as I was driving I thought, "hmmmm...I don't feel so good." You know the kind. Like the extroverted person who is more interested in going home and lying down. Sooooo not like me. People? Where? (rubs hands together)

I went to their house anyway, cause I wanted to; I ate, chatted and actually felt a little bit better.

Fastforward a little more...

5:30am I wake up. My body is involuntarily shaking itself in waves. Again, you know what I'm talking about. Freezing cold, sweating like fat guy eating mexican - like that. I HATE that. Doens't happen too often. So I take some ibuprofen and know, "I must have the flu."

Whatryoogunnado?

So Heather got up and took care of me for a little while (love being married to her, by the way). She then got me up at about 7:45am. We had to be at church at 8:15am for rehearsal and two services at 9 and 10:45am. So off we went. But somehow I still managed to look awesome. I know, weird. It's like I can't control it or something. Oh well. But I felt like this...

I felt like...like I was still me, but something was juuuusssstt not quite right. There was ringing in my ears. And I needed NO ONE to touch me cause it hurt. Like that. Like some real big person had picked me up by the feet and beat me up against a brick wall like I was an empty christmas wrapping paper roll. Yes, that's exactly how I felt. But, press on. So two services later, I felt...not so bad really...but knew it would be coming with a vengance that afternoon. It was great, though, singing words like "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord," and "In You, in You I find my strength!" I knew God was getting me through. He is always looking out for me.

So I went home, climbed into bed and have remained there until now. I've emerged from "Flu Room" to infect our computer room. Ev keeps pointing at me and saying, "sick boy!" She's cute. I've almost watched an entire cycle of ANTM. Why do I love that show? It's even better when you're sick.

Oh, and just so you know, I will be a non-blogger from July 3 - July 14 (vacating) So Amy, you'll need to let me know that I won by Tuesday!

Still Summer!

2008-06-24T22:16:00.013-04:00

We had a great time with our neighbors last night.
The evening started with a fashion show...

...and a fire pit and s'mores, sum-mores, smores (still not sure - see post below)

While smores make me a little sick, I was obviously in the minority here!

Me and Chuck - Chuck and I. And him finally smiling.
He was evil most of the night...

See.

What a gorgeous night! LOVE the summer.

"Cocoon:" Half pupa enclosure; Half vacation spot

2008-06-23T20:57:00.009-04:00

(click here)

If you're looking for meaning in this post, skip it. But know that there is a very important matter at hand. Today I've been thinking about words that are said wrong by kids, adults, village idiots, AND smart people (they're usually the best ones). I love when people in suits, with business degrees and six figure jobs say, "I took my family to see "Circus Olé" instead of "Cirque de Soleil." There's something all ganked about it, and yet it cracks me up! Love it. "Olé!!!" So let's talk about that, shall we?

Here are some others:

-Inn table. It goes at the "end" of your couch. Said this til I was in college.

-Narry road. My grandma. Makes me miss her

-Chester drawers. Still at a loss on this one. Is it a "chest of drawers," or a "chester drawers?" I'm confused.

-Jargum. This is the characteristic language of a particular group of people. My mom uses this one alot. Especially when she is with a group of lawyers. She just doesn't understand their jargum.

-All-some! meaning, "incredible." A friend of mine said he suspected his mother was saying this whenever there was a moment to be celebrated. His suspicions were later confirmed when he had a prayer request answered and he received a text from his mom that said, "Allsome!"

-Frontiture. You sit on this. This weekend our nephew was visiting and said that our dog, Mimi, looked very comfortable on the frontiture. Oh, and his brother (he's two) kept calling Mimi, "Meany."

-Bizarre. Probably one of my favs. My mom got my sister a necklace for christmas one year, and according to my mom, my sister opened the necklace and went "absolutely bizarre!" When I started laughing HARD over the phone, she corrected herself..."I mean Pizzazz."

-"Patch" of cookies. This was from a neighbor of ours when we lived in Kentucky. Surprised?

-Pneumonia. Our apartment used to smell like this alot...well, according to our neighbor. The same neighbor that grew her cookies.

-"Dixie" This was from the neighbor downstairs, same building. Her dog was named Daisy, but she split time between "Dixie" and "Daisy." Love that she never said, "Oops I mean Daisy." Just used them interchangably.

-Cocoon. My mom is getting the raw end here. I kinda feel bad, but she's a good sport. A few years back she informed me that my sister and her husband were "leaving for Cocoon" for a vacation.

-Thee. This is Evalee's last baby word and I hope she never stops using it. She uses it like this; "I wanted to play with their dog but THEE said I couldn't. Thee never let me play with their dog!" Cute huh?

-UNthaw. I still do this to ground beef when I pull it out of the fridge.

Okay, so if you don't know what your wrong word is, alls'yee have to do is ask a loved one or good friend. And just as a warning, they may try saying, "I haven't noticed anything you say wrong," but they are lying. Trust me, they know. They just don't want you to feel dents ;)

Okay, so let's go...I wanna hear some.

Singing off,

With Extry Cheese

The Guy's Pointers

2008-06-22T22:21:00.007-04:00

Okay, so I worked on some of the pointers I got from that guy at church and...well, it's working! I managed to get all of these on the first or second shot, rather than the thousand fifty third. Photoshopped the first one - all the others are raw. Still want a new camera though...I must be a pig.

This one's my fav. Oh, and someone ran down my rose bush tonight - totally broken in half...to bittsies. This will be the last bloom you'll ever see from that sucker. It was lying on the ground. Nice one, eh?

Love this one.

....whatever, these are fine I guess.

I wanna a new camera too!

2008-06-22T17:40:00.008-04:00

I think Heather mentioned the irritation we have with focus issues and our camera. Thing is, the more I do this blog thing, the more I'm noticing some really beautiful clarity you get from a good camera. Check this page and this page, and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I want to take great pics like these (below) and while I actually love these shots, taken with my Nikon Coolpix 5200 - It took me about 35 shots just to get these. Argh! Any ideas for cameras under $1000 would be much appreciated. (Not that I'm getting one, I just want to "browse.") I talked to a guy at church today, who had a nice camera and he gave me some pointers that I can use with my crappy little, almost a toy, camera.

I planted this rose bush last year. It produces 2 to 3 blooms each summer. (Horticulturalist, I'm not. Just plant, and "finito," never touch it again.) But are they beautiful or what!?!?

Okay, last one...

2008-06-21T13:00:00.002-04:00

I'm telling you, the kid is cute!

In our Hood

2008-06-21T12:32:00.014-04:00

FIRST....baby Caleb. Is he cute or what?!?!

Grant on the swing...

Heidi mowing before the mower broke down. I think she was a little afraid of the mower at first, but once she got going, she was John Deere.

My mower rules! Well, it did. It's officially dead now. (Heidi says she had nothing to do with it. I kind of believe her; sort of.)

She wore my "mow the lawn" shoes. Very ghetto. They're like prequels to what Crocs are now; only canvas and ugly. Very W.T.

And here's our back porch - the wysteria blooms are gone, but the flowers are lookin' sweet!

My Nephews are Here!

2008-06-21T11:04:00.005-04:00

First of all - these are good boys! Love 'em.

John's "Mean" face. Scary!!

When girls are older than you - you do as they say! If they say, "We're playing drag queens," then you say, "how drag?"

The baby is sleeping. You'll be getting pics of that little sweetie pie later.

Tonight on our cul-de-sac...

2008-06-19T21:05:00.011-04:00

Beatiful Mess's kids and our kids hanging out.

The "Long-shot" in use. (and our babysitter in a rare and brief moment between texts)

Ahhh, they're sweet! (Check out bottom left)

Ahhh, they're freakin' hilarious!

Hot air balloons... (this is not photo shop)

This is. (I thought it looked like an earring. Because I felt like it, that's why.)

Heather and Krista in our favorite spot (check out the tiger lillies)

"Don" -our neighbor's dog. Love that his name is "Don." Other options were "Corey, Daniel, Nathan, Phil, and Jeff."

And Mimi, taking it all in. (Actually, she is eyeing the neighbors cat in this pic) Isn't she cute? Yes you do care! Yes you do!!!

A Beautifully Messy Welcoming Committee!!!

2008-06-18T22:29:00.005-04:00

WE CAN'T WAIT 'TIL YOU GET HERE!!!

WHEW!!!

2008-06-17T21:49:00.002-04:00

Tonight we sat with our friends drinking coffee and "talking" about exercise. I thought, "yeah, it's been a while, I think I'm ready to start back up."

So when they left I put on my running shoes. I was excited! I borrowed Chloe's new ipod and hit the ashphalt. I felt great..."This is so good for me...I need this..." blah, blah, blah, you know the drill.

And honest to God, when I started I felt like this...

Fast forward 20 minutes; I arrive home - do some curls, do some push ups. And now, sitting in this chair, sweating like a tribe of nuns in a strip club, I feel like this...

Still glad I did it though. I'll be huge in no time.

Summer - What's not to Love?

2008-06-16T16:44:00.020-04:00

I've been off for a few days, which I love. On the way home from the pool, we were driving in our neighborhood and drove right past a friend who had just left our house. We told her to come on back and we'd make coffee. On the way to the house I looked at Heather and said, "It's summer isn't it?"

"Yep," she said, "and I love it!"

So here are some of the things I have already enjoyed and will continue to enjoy this summer.

Staring at this from our porch

Impromtu visits (love them) which I'm convinced happen more often in the summer

Barefeet. This is me aalllll summer.

Butterflies...hard as heck to take pictures of though. Look at the next one.

Discovering something for the first time. My girls just got ipods on their visit to Nana's. Looks like this will be the summer of music.
"I've gotta pocket, gotta pocketful of sunshine..."

Indian money. I LOVE stuff like this!

Summer chores to earn $$$ for vacation. Yes!

And always...Mimi. (little sugar head)

Hot Dog!

2008-06-16T12:49:00.008-04:00

First of all, you must use ketchup AND mustard. And secondly, who knew that green squeeze bottle sweet relish was soooo good?

I didn't. I do now. Yummmm!

While in Flushing, Beth caught me in an all too frequent moment of sheer culinary bliss.

Only a true artist catches those special moments in life, the ones that really matter.

Don't Go in There!

2008-06-11T16:35:00.004-04:00

It's how we feel sometimes. And everything in our human nature says, "You wanna stay safe? Then don't go in there!" But we have to. Even if it turns our stomachs or makes our skin crawl. (and it will) Still, we have to. Because "in there" is where the change is. The change that we keep talking about; the change that we are dying for.

What's in there is not as bad as it seems. Oh, it's completely undoing, frightening, awful, and overwhelming, yes. But "in there"... there's a way out.

Insecure people don't typically know they are insecure until they are ready to do something about it. They walk around saying things like, "I'm not insecure - I don't care what anyone thinks about me!" Sometimes they convince us; sometimes they even convince themselves. But the truth is, they care what EVERYONE thinks about them. And once they admit it; "I am insecure!" they find themselves, not yet in the room, but at least aware of the room; glancing into it each time they pass. Wondering if they'll ever have the courage to go in there; hoping, in time, that they will.

So there are many rooms in our hearts...many. But there's that one; the one we keeping walking past, peering into, trying to see what's in it, that we can't seem to find the strength to go into. So we stand in the hall, or in the next room and squint and lean in, trying to see what's in there; trying to see what's in the corners. "Probably not something good," we tell ourselves. "Probably something real messed up." Probably. But also, probably something WE didn't put there. Sure, we may have left it in there, but that's altogether different than being the one to carry it up the stairs, mark up the doorway trying to sqeeze it in, and leaving it there to collect dust and haunt us for years to come.

Thing is, whoever put it there had an extra one in one of their rooms, so they took that the extra one and put it in our room. But they weren't even the one who initially put theirs in their room. Someone else did, and they've just been keeping it. So another generation back, and another, until we lock eyes with the original culprit; the one who put in it in there. The one who shamed our grandfather's grandfather's grandfather's grandfather.

Hmmm...

Like the monster under our bed, he was there from the beginning, sticking something potentially life threatening into a room that we would be too afraid to go into; too afraid to retrieve and save our life.

But we have to go in there. Or else we will always live with the monster under our bed.

So take a deep breath, grab hold of His hand...

and go in there.

Then She Found Me

2008-06-09T22:07:00.006-04:00

It's rated "R" by the Motion Picture Association of America, and while I don't normally recommend "R" rated films (especially with the possibility of church people reading this ;) ) I would recommend this one. It's definitely rated R for language (dropping the F bomb 4 or 5 times) and sexual content. Though there is no nudity, no drug use, and no slashing of throats.

Okay, so Heather and I are without the kids this week since they are at Nana's. So "Hey, let's go to a movie," is something you can actually say at times like these. We got to the theatre and Heather bought Twizzlers and then decided after two pieces that she didn't want to waste the calories on a big bag of Twizzlers. Being the wonderfully supportive husband I am, I said, "Let's just throw them out!" She agreed. She handed the bag to me and I proceeded to the trash, not thinking she would've actually called my bluff. Since I had no intentions of throwing them out in the first place, when I got to the trash I grabbed all I could (all but 2 slackers) and stuffed them in my pocket. When I got back to our seats I had to crawl over Heather to make sure "Twizzler Pocket" was not right up next to her. It was a little irritating thieving them from my pocket so Heather wouldn't see. Also, eating slowly so you can "enjoy your food" is a load of crap. Hogging 'em down is much more satisfying. She never noticed me eating them. When I was down to the last two, I shared one with her. She was giddy as a school girl. A welcome surprise.

So back to the movie. I thought this movie was beautiful! Great cast, including Helen Hunt, Bette Midler, Colin Firth and Matthew Broderick; directed by: Helen Hunt. Uhhh! (that's a good uhhh) It was an excellent film about life...and it was very real. And not sad and depressing trying to be real - just real. In fact, it wasn't sad and depressing at all (well, maybe a little here and there, but in a good way) And I must say, it was refreshing to not see a leading lady (Helen Hunt) all Botoxed to death with her eyebrows drawn up like venetian blinds. She looked her age (45 in real life)...maybe older.

So the plot was great and beleivable. And I'm not a huge Bette Midler fan, since most of her characters tend toward brassy, shocking, loud and obnoxious. But in "Then She Found Me" we get to see her in a much more tame, sensitive role. She was still...ya know, Bette, but better. Best exchange in the movie comes after April (HH) says she doesn't want to pray about something, and Bernice (BM -wow, those are sucky initials) pushes her to do what she has "always done," stating, "You mean you'll pray over a plate of spaghetti, but when something like this comes up you won't?!?!"

I don't think you'll regret seeing it. Heather and I loved it. I'd see it again just to get some of the meat out of it. And I'd love to have your thoughts on it after you see it.

Oh, and it may not be at your mainstream theatres - we had to go to Keystone Art's Cinema to see it. It won't be there long (maybe only a week more) so hurry up.

Pics on the Road Home from Surgery

2008-06-08T21:36:00.007-04:00

God makes promises - and I had alot of reminders on the way home from Anonymous Wee's surgery. And someone take a moment to bug her so she'll get a blog and keep us all posted.

All these were taken with my cell phone camara. Pretty nifty huh? Make sure you look for the double rainbow on a couple of them!

The "Lay" Couch

2008-06-07T23:36:00.004-04:00

My girls like to fight over who gets The Lay Couch. I love when kids make up names for crap. When I was growing up, for some reason we called the remote (for the TV) the "channelent." I don't know why, but I still call it that mostly, and sometimes just "the channel." I'm proud to say that my kids...and Heather also call it "the channel."

So most of the time they fight over who gets the lay couch. But when they are being heavenly, this is how I catch them.

Picture #1... no idea it was being taken

Picture #2... "What? A Camara? Let us pose!"

But they are cute -and I love when they lay together, watch TV (The Bass Pro Fishing Tournament this morning) and be sisters.

Love these girls!

FOR BILL -from trash to road kill, what a day!

2008-06-05T21:55:00.007-04:00

I found it Bill! I found it! A sad ending to your story though, but it almost made it. And we should celebrate his...almost freedom. And the fact that it looks like someone has learned what it means to give without any expectation of compensation. The world is good.

And dontcha just feel like this sometimes? Like, "Dang it! I Almost made it!"
If you're confused, check out Bill's post here.